Gold Gloves, All-Star Teams, Halls of Fame and World Series Legends: Goodnight to the "Kid"

It actually breaks my heart to write this post. We all like to imagine our idols dying of old age, of natural causes. But, unfortunately, the worst is bound to affect the best of us sometimes.

Take the death of Whitney Houston this week. It was certainly an untimely death. As was Amy Winehouse's, Jimi Hendrix's, Elliot Smith's, Kurt Cobain's, Jim Morrison's, Ernest Hemingway's, Janis Joplin's, etc., etc. There are plenty of more untimely deaths we can all speak of that relate directly to our own lives. It begs an answer to the question of: What happens when our actions go to our head? (No pun intended regarding Hemingway.)



Gary, The Kid, Carter passed away yesterday from brain cancer. I almost feel like a sort of passion died with him, as well. Before the mess of steroids and HGH controversies, Carter was a fixture in the Major League Baseball's spotlight. Maybe he wasn't always there -- over his 19-year career, it only makes sense that he would fall in and out of the limelight like any other public figure -- but he certainly set a unique standard for catchers around the world. He earned Gold Gloves, a World Series with the Mets and a spot in the Hall of Fame. He earned it. And he was proud of it, as he should have been.

Embraced, despised and admired for his "swag," "swagger," "exuberance," "enthusiasm," or whatever you want to call it, Carter definitely carved his way into my heart...even though I was only a 1-year-old when he earned his MLB World Series ring with the Mets. Many of the readers may not remember Carter. He wasn't incredibly exception in skill or talent, but he was great for other reasons. Obviously, his talent and skills were worthwhile of 19 seasons in the MLB, but his "kid-like passion" for the game is what made Carter different from all the others. Sure, he was more than receptive to the cameras and post-game interviews. But, more importantly, he was more than receptive to finding a place in the MLB to play the game he loved the way he loved it.

In addition to his career in the MLB, Carter kept in touch with his love for the game. He coached and managed in the minor leagues, coached at the university level and was a broadcaster for the Marlins. Regardless of those accomplishments (adding on to his successes as a player), no one will ever forget Gary Carter's spirit and passion for the game.

And while I'll probably end up watching A League of Their Own, For Love of the Game, Field of Dreams, The Sandlot or even branch out to finally see The Natural, I'll leave you now with a few simple words:

Goodnight, Kid. I'll always look to you for inspiration when the game gets tough.

Kids today!

Okay, so we all know that kids today are spoiled-rotten, disrespectful, pain in the you-know-whats. And I can guarantee you that your parents' generation said the same thing about you when you were a kid. It's a vicious cycle. Man begets man; man condemns man; man becomes man; man begets man; man condemns man; man becomes man; and on the cycle goes.

But why is it that kids today are just "SO BAD?" Maybe our generation of man-condemning is too sensitive? I'll let you be the judge. To each his own.

I find there's a fine line between "monkey-see, monkey-do" and "do as I say, not as I do" teaching methods. Not a parent -- but an educator of children, adolescents and young adults -- I find myself observing the way others parent more and more often...especially as I grow older into that "ticking clock" phase of my life. I see some parents with a nice balance of the two methods. They demonstrate good behavior and expect it in return, while there are still some adult things they do that they warn the children not to mimic (or, at least, not until they're "older," "out of my house," or "financially responsible for yourself"). Other parents lead mostly by the strict warnings of "not as I do" and still others lean more towards the "monkey-do" techniques. Who knows what is right, honestly? What works for one kid, does not work for another...many times each sibling is different from the next. I guess the best I can say is that the only "right" way is to pay attention and stand your ground (because you're the adult in the situation) however you need to teach your child a lesson.

This seems like a post that's not at all about softball, but it is...of course. It's mostly inspired by the video below that I think we've all seen and argued about 15 times at this point. Whether or not this father's actions were something you would replicate, he's standing his ground to teach his daughter a lesson the way he sees fit. He didn't put her in danger, other than inadvertently by the bullying she may face at school and in public, and he paid enough attention to his daughter to know when she disrespecting him to a point that required a learning lesson; and he paid enough attention to his daughter to know HOW to teach that lesson. I'm sure the message was loud and clear for her.

A lot of the comments I've seen so far have been, "Glad my dad doesn't own a gun...because he would definitely do something like this." I grew up in surburbia. No one had guns. Anyway. I don't know. I know that my parents would never ever do something like this -- "praise in public, reprimand privately," they always say -- and, to be honest, they never had to. One look of disappointment from either one of them was all the "grounding" or "punishment" I needed. But that was just us. I'm not perfect because of it; and I won't claim to be perfect anyhow. But it worked. I think I came out fine. I think I know how to hold my ground and teach a few lessons. And I think coaching has helped me realize that sometimes disappointment isn't enough and hard lessons need to be taught the hard way. I'm thankful for that. It's experience. Hopefully it'll make me a better parent...if my time doesn't run out first.

It all begins at the end...

After what has been a tremendously "strange" past few weeks, leading to a lot of skepticism on my part (and that of my coaches and girls), I'm excited to say that things are panning out pretty well. I'm now the Vice President of our non-profit organization. I'm now the head coach of an INCREDIBLY talented showcase team; and one of my best friends -- who happens to be my mentor -- is at the helm of it all, as our manager.

To be honest, I went from one side of skepticism to the complete opposite. Just a few weeks ago, I had 6 girls for a local/travel team and was desperately searching for more girls/repeatedly telling myself to be patient and that the girls would come. Needless to say, I wasn't always optimistic about how the 2012 summer season would pan out; you can't field a team of 6 girls, can't even play without 9 on the roster. Then, after to some unexpected changes to the showcase 18U team in our organization, we decided to merge their 8 remaining girls with my 6. So, yes, I went from a local team of 6 to a showcase team of 14. Talk about turning a full 180; making a complete U-turn. And in the "quiet" mean-time of the off-season, when this decision was made, I found a whole new set of negativity to overcome: will I lose my position as Head Coach; will my girls object; will the other team's girls object; what if the the girls don't get along; what if girls leave because we won't play as many showcase tournaments; what if girls leave because we're playing showcases; will this make the organization look weak; will other teams and coaches see this merger as a sign of weakness for our team? Yikes. It's been a whirlwind of negativity surrounding me, but -- with the help of the coaches, girls and my therapist (god bless her) -- I've been able to keep a fairly positive mindset concerning the "big adjustment."

We started practice yesterday. And, whereas it was the ends of two different teams, it was the true beginning of a dynamite team. Thanks, in part, to a sleepover some of the girls (from both teams) had on Saturday night and a very positive team of coaches at practice, everything went as smooth as we could have hoped for. Sure, there were a few speedbumps -- but what practice doesn't have a few speedbumps, anyway?

I guess it also helped a bit that the girls at the sleepover had a bonding experience as they "forked" our manager's lawn, then proceeded to make tee-shirts for themselves and our manager. They formed their own inside joke, and woke me up with a phone call (on speakerphone) the next morning, just giggling away.

Anyway, I can't speak enough about the talent that's on this team now. I can't even begin to explain it. Hence, my biggest fear was whether or not the girls could get along; if they could get over their fear of "differences" and just play. And we haven't really PLAYED yet -- practice is always different from games and tournaments and showcases -- but the girls are off to an amazing start. One that is ten-fold better than that of the previous week at our annual holiday party. So, I'm happy. It's a great new beginning of what will become, despite the ends of what we knew.

And, on a side note, I'm in so much pain from practice yesterday. Please remind me to stretch and warm-up like the rest of the girls before I decide to pitch for batting practice. Dang.

How to Build a Team

You see it all the time -- softball teams folding because one or two girls leave, and it's a shame. But why is it that way? There are a few ways to build a team and, of course, there are pros and cons to each. Let's look at some examples.

Some teams build their roster around a select number of girls. This is what some refer to as "core" building, where you have a core group of girls to which you add on other players each year, as the "others" age out or the core group ages up. This presents a great opportunity for the core group to truly mesh and develop a "sisterhood," which conveys on the field through trust, leadership, and mutual respect. However, typically "cores" are made up of only 5-6 girls. That means almost every year you have to fill at least 5 or 6 spots to fill an entire roster and, as girls age up into the older brackets, that can sometimes be very difficult to do.

Other teams build their roster around a position. For example, there are teams that will stack their bench with pitchers; the most common reason being that it keeps those pitchers off of other teams, so that no other team can compete against them. This, obviously, has its pros and cons. The major pro being that, yes, in fact, you do keep all (or the majority) of pitchers in the region on one team, so that you can dominate on defense. The major con, however, is that many pitchers aren't quite "utility" players; they can only play a select number of positions. It's rare to find a pitcher who also plays shortstop or center field, for example; typically, they pitch and stick to the corners (third base and first base). So, where as you try to stack your defense with a roster-sized pitching staff, you limit your defense by lacking any true, position-specific talent.

Another way to build a team is the "sick and tired" method. Whether it's the coaching staff that you can't stand (and think you can do better, yourself) or the organization, you -- and hopefully some of the other parents/girls on the team -- just get sick and tired of dealing with the BS. So, what do you do? You start your own team/organization. You find a lot of travel teams coming out of rec leagues through this method. You also find a lot of travel teams coming out of other travel team organizations this way. Sometimes this works, sometimes it doesn't. It really depends on how much support you have behind you from fellow coaches, players and parents. It also depends on how dedicated you are to developing a new team/organization -- you know, there's much more to it than just signing up for tournaments and running practices...like budgets, renting practice facilities, purchasing uniforms and equipment, sanctioning the team in the different leagues, maintaining rapport with the other coaches, players, parents, umpires and league directors, etc. Yikes. This is a long and difficult road. Plus, this method of team building tends to create an excess of new and half teams in the market, which can destroy other teams/organizations, and -- in the case of Richmond, for example -- create an environment where there are simply not enough girls to fill all the teams, reducing the quality of play.

The last way to build a team, that I've seen, is through the ever-dreaded "merger"; that is, when two teams decide to combine due to lack of players or to form one "super team." Team dynamics, especially with girls in sports, can win or lose games/tournaments. Merging two teams together can create tension between the girls, who now need to learn new names and ways, fight for their starting positions again, and learn to respect the new coaching staff. For the coaches, it can also present problems -- who will stay and who will go? Who will coach third or first? Who will create the roster? Who will run practices? Etc., etc., etc. Now, don't get me wrong. This way of building a team does have is cons; but it does have its advantages. For example, taking two teams that are of similar quality and dynamics, can create a great and productive atmosphere for a team.

Now, there's really no wrong or right way to build a team. It all depends on the situation, really, the coaching staff and the girls. Either way, it should be all about the girls and what's best for them. So build your team right, based on what's right for the girls.

The truth is out there...

Maybe if you grew up watching the X-Files, you'll recognize the title of this blog. I did not, technically. I watched it from behind my father's chair because it scared the living daylights out of me.

Anyway, I'm browsing around this morning and stumble upon a Softball group on LinkedIn. I'm reading through some of the discussions (one in particular about pitchers calling their own pitches, which is outrageous) and I see a post from Kelly Jackson (as in the 1992 USA Gold Medalist) with a link to her website: CoachingAFemaleAthlete.com. So, with nothing better to do than look and apply to jobs, I check out her website. It's pretty legit with some great blogs on it like separating parent vs. coach, teaching focus at a young age, etc. I'll give it that, but then it links to their sister site: the Technique Doctor, where you can choose your sport, a coach, and then submit your video to be critiqued by that coach. Strange, I thought: "That really takes the human out of the game." I'm sure it's really that coach giving you real feedback, but where's the face-to-face interaction, the prior knowledge of the player to know how to really speak to them so that they'll LISTEN (and not just hear)?

Then, I'm going through their roster of softball coaches who will critique your film: head coach, pitcher, guy pitcher, defensive instructor, dad of a DI player and coach, pitcher, pitcher, infielder. The only place I expect that many pitchers is at a bar.

Now, I think about all the other personal instructors in Central Virginia and here's what I see: hitting coach, pitching coach, hitting coach, pitching coach, pitching coach, head coach, dad/coach, pitching coach. Why is it so difficult for catchers to come out and coach or instruct? And, no, that's not an invitation. I'm just saying.

It just leaves me wondering, am I the only real catching coach in Central Virginia? One that's played DI softball? I'm not talking about your baseball guys who work with girls. I'm talking about real fastpitch catchers giving back and giving lessons. Am I the only one? Hell, I'd be happy to be -- maybe my knees don't agree -- but where are these young catchers getting their instructions from? It hurts me to think that they're not getting the proper instruction (like I've seen lately)...falling down on pitches in the dirt, instead of kicking out their feet; not framing correctly; not approaching bunts correctly; not learning to call their own game; actually taking more than one step to make a throw-down. Catchers are tough gals, and tough finds in this day an age. But when you find one, make sure she gets the right instructions; otherwise, she's as worthless as a bat in the daylight.

So, yeah. That was one big rant. I guess I should apologize. But I'm open for discussion here, too. Who do you know that's played the game behind the plate and is coaching? What kind of instructions do you think your catchers need the most work on? How much are you willing to pay for catching lessons? Versus hitting instruction? Versus pitching lessons? Is it just that I'm taking crazy pills and there's no need for catching instructors in Central Virginia's fastpitch leagues?

The difference between 14s and 18s

As part of my job search, I worked with a 14U team last night to oversee their progress, help where I could and try to get their catchers stoked about individual lessons that I may offer in the future. During their practice, I was able to work with all FOUR of their catchers (man, am I jealous...four catchers!) and we did basic drills on catching (literally) and blocking. I'd love to take the time to get them working towards throwing, as well, but that will all just depend on whether or not the instructor position will fit in to my new job schedule -- whenever I do get a new job, that is. And it was fun. 14s is a fun age group. Difficult, but fun. While the five of us catchers worked together, I had one staring off into space and another uncontrollably laughing, which led another to laugh along, too.

Afterwards, a friend of mine asked, "So was it different--working with 14s instead of 18s?" I thought for a moment and laughed before I replied, "No. It's the same. They goof off and gab instead of stretching because they haven't seen each other in a whole week. They hear but don't listen. They've been taught a certain way and no matter how hard you try, you can't break the bad habit that's technically broken but still works...for now."

My friend laughed and understood. Her daughter is the youngest on my team; a girl who's seen two pitching instructors over the years, been coached by her dad, and is now working with me on pitching; so she knows exactly what I mean.

I thought about it after we talked, though. 14s are different from 18s. Sure I've got a few 16-year-olds on my team, which isn't a big/mature step up from 14, but I've also got 17- and 18-year-olds on my team. The difference there is big; and I think it's made my younger ones step up. My 18s (no matter how old they really are) are more focused, more intent on learning, more intent on becoming a better player; it's not a social activity for them, anymore; it's not just a way for their parents to keep them active, instead of Facebooking and playing video games after school. I thought about all those 14s and wondered how many of them were out there to keep playing, and how many were doing it just because it was something to do.

When I was 11, I played on a 14U travel team. Let me tell you now that the age difference between 14 and 11 is huge; those girls were going into high school and had boyfriends, while I was going into middle school and practicing my signature for when I got to the Olympics. My dad used to call 14 the peak point in softball. A lot of those girls from the 14U team played just a year or two more and then quit to live their social lives or focus on school. I didn't understand my dad's theory at 11, but when I was 14 and playing 16U, I understood. 14, for some reason, is that age where girls begin to realize what matters in life: boys, school, their futures. At that age, they make up their minds (subconsciously, I think) about how much softball really means to them; and if they decide it's a social activity or that it doesn't mean much to them, their skills peak and they never progress any further. In those cases, the girls usually play a year or two more and then move on, because they can't keep up or it's not fun anymore or whatever.

When I joined my organization to coach, we had two teams, a 16U (mine) and a 14U team. It's funny, I've lost a lot of those 16s in the last two years; they'd already hit their peak and moved on, mentally. I, of course, wish them all the best still. And I look at that 14U team; they've lost a few players, but the majority of girls they've lost have moved on to other organizations to continue playing. Just a different group of girls, I guess. Or maybe they had the motivation they needed through those troublesome 14U years to keep them focused and intent on playing and improving. I walked in fresh to 16U team that I'm not sure had that support.

Two years later, here we are in 18s. Sure, I've only got seven girls right now, but I've got seven focused and intent players. Sure they goof off and gab, but they get their jobs done. And, even as the sun is setting, they ask for more reps. So, as I think back to this past Sunday when we went 0-2 and I think about the to-do list, I know that we'll accomplish it...because the girls want to.

And there you have it: that's the difference between 18s and 14s. The want.

The one weekend it HAS to rain...

Of course whenever you need it to be sunny or warm, it's not; instead, it's wet and cold. We got rained out on Saturday this past weekend and switched to a three-game format on Sunday. I figured, "Hell, we'll play all three games and two of my pitchers haven't had game-time mound-time since August (or longer), so I'll just play all three games safely, let my pitchers do their thing and work in everybody into the spots they've been working at." Wrong. Right after game 2, they decided to cut our 3rd game because they were so behind in another bracket and had to eliminate fields...god forbid the Men's League had to wait that evening.

Anyway, so we didn't get all three games. Came out 0-2. But no one was unhappy in the end. There was no drama, no stress and the girls played comfortably, happily. I think most of them were just excited to be back in the game. So, maybe that was our trouble. Girls were too comfortable. We also had to use a good amount of guest players to fill the field, so that adds up to some of it--new faces, new thoughts on the game, etc., etc.--and we didn't get Saturday to find that good rhythm with the whole team, guests included. But I will give a BIG shout out to a few of my girls who played spectacularly, especially the ones who had been doubting themselves. They came out with gusto and poise and made some huge plays. I couldn't be more proud of them for that; and they should know who they are.

So, we're pretty much done now for the Fall, unless we want to travel. But right now, I think we got a good taste of what we're up against and what we need to become. There's a lot, now, on our to-do list. And we'll use the rest of the Fall and Winter to work on that list. #1 on that list? Find more girls. And I'm being patient. I know they'll surface, sometime. The rest on that list? Well, that's for me, my assistant coaches and girls to worry about.

But I'll keep you updated.