What is there to say?

You know, I've been working on about six different blogs over the last few weeks. None of them just seemed to work, though...plus, work--that thing I get paid to do 5 days a week--is kicking my butt. So, here I am, sitting in a Thai restaurant at 3:15pm on a Sunday, listening to piano renditions of Gershwin and Rodgers & Hammerstein. And I won't really complain about that, but usually I'm out on the softball field around this time.

So, I'm going back through my book and looking at all of the games from this Fall. Here's what I see:

• Those who stepped up, stepped up big.
• Consistency became more of a playing factor.
• Runs Allowed decreased.
• Runs Scored increased.
• Wins increased.

But that's all just kind of the stupid stuff. I mean, it's important. And we'll work film this Winter, if we can, to make sure that we get all the little things improved. But here's what I saw out of the book:

• Girls smiling.
• Girls trying.
• Girls trusting.
• Girls dissatisfied with anything less than 100% for 80min.
• Girls standing behind and sticking up for the other girls they trusted.

I don't know what's all that surprising about this, but sometimes this is rare. When you don't get that team that is all softball-no-matter-what it's tough to find a team where you can balance softball with everything else.

You know, we walk away from this Fall season with only 9 girls, but I'm convinced that the other 2 or 3 "pieces," as we like to call them, will fall into place before the Summer. I know it because I know I've got a good group of girls that are all determined to become a good ball club.

So, despite all the game reviews I could do for this blog -- breaking down the good and bad games...finding out what went right and wrong -- I'm not going to. I'm going to just keep it to myself for now. I'm going to see how the girls fare through the rest of the Fall and help them push it during the off-season and then come back to it all in the Spring.

And, like I said, I'm still working on about 6 blogs. So I don't expect this blog to code while I'm "off." In fact, if there's anything you'd like me to write about...you know how to get to me.

The door is open, c'mon in.

I won't lie: I've been avoiding this post a little. (Even moreso, I've been avoiding the posts I need to make to the team's website.) Last weekend just wasn't our weekend, with the exception of that last game on Sunday, during which the girls played 80 minutes of solid softball. That was the first game I could really walk away (after taking a really long, deep breath) and say, "either way, we FOUGHT for it from start to finish." It's not the best feeling in the world when you still walk away with an "L," but it's not, by any means, a bad feeling. Anyway, on we go with the post...


Seeing as it's already Thursday evening, I've had plenty of time since we ended on Sunday to stew over every strikeout, chew on every error, brood over every bad call, redesign every defense I put on the field, etc., etc., etc. And, trust me, I did my fair share of that over the last few days. Heck, I've been doing a lot of that over the last six months. It's no surprise that I'm my own worst critic. One thing I never let myself do, though, is let the criticism stay negative. Let's face it: no one wants to hear criticism, because it's rough and it hurts and a lot of times it's true (which makes it even rougher and more hurtful). On the other hand, criticism can be our best friend...sometimes...when it's delivered properly...when we can use it to learn from our mistakes and strengthen our weaknesses. Let's take a second to look at the meaning of--to criticize, if you will--"criticism":

Criticism

[krit-uh-siz-uhm]

–noun

1. the act of passing judgment as to the merits of anything.
2. the act of passing severe judgment; censure; faultfinding.
3. the act or art of analyzing and evaluating or judging the quality of a literary or artistic work, musical performance, art exhibit, dramatic production, etc.
4. a critical comment, article, or essay; critique.
5. any of various methods of studying texts or documents forthe purpose of dating or reconstructing them, evaluatingtheir authenticity, analyzing their content or style, etc.:historical criticism; literary criticism.
6. investigation of the text, origin, etc., of literary documents,esp. Biblical ones: textual criticism.

Let's go ahead and eliminate options 5 and 6, since--for once in my life--I'm not analyzing a text. (Oh, the life of an English major.) And, though my girls (and myself) can be pretty "dramatic" at times, we can also eliminate option 3. What's that leave us with? (And, please, no criticisms of the dangling preposition...)


Criticism: the act of passing judgment (sometimes severe) or finding fault in the merit of anything, sometimes through a comment, article or essay. 


Now, what's so wrong with finding fault in something? If you're just out to hurt someone--what we can call "malicious criticism" here--then...well...A LOT. But if you're out to help someone--what many teachers, coaches, leaders and parents call "constructive criticism"--then NOTHING. The thing I love best about true constructive criticism is the advice that goes with it; I love hearing, "[some thing] is wrong, but if you do [some other thing] then you can make right." I love it even more when I get a reason for how that "[some thing]" is wrong, and a reason for why that "[some other thing]" is right. I love it MOST when you get instructions on how to do that "[some other thing]" right. For example...

Most young/inexperienced catchers will take 2-3 small steps between the time they catch the pitch and the time they throw the ball down to a base. (It's an old habit from all those years of coaches telling them to "set their feet" before they make a throw in the infield or outfield, but catching is nothing like playing infield or outfield.) Now, I could just tell them "that's wrong, take fewer steps." But what does that do for them? ("Nothing," is the appropriate response to my hypothetical question...should you still be reading this blog.) Instead, I explain--and most times SHOW--how much time they lose: If the runner has only 60 feet to run and she can leave when the pitch is released from the pitcher's hand, that runner already has a 5- or 6-step lead on the throwdown from the catcher. Especially if they're stealing second (a longer throw for the catcher), those 5 or 6 steps the runner already has can make a huge difference. Adding 2 or 3 steps between the time the ball leaves the pitcher's hand and the time the ball reaches second base just gives the runner 2 or 3 extra steps to reaching the base safely. Even if the catcher has a gun (like mine do), you never want to be in the habit of adding 2 or 3 steps to that runner's lead....What if the runner is particularly fast? What if the ball is in the dirt and you have to block it first? What if the pitch is a change-up or offspeed?

The key to catching and throwdowns is staying compact, keeping your body tight. Catch first, then use your glove to turn your whole body: bring the glove to your throwing-side ear (where it meets your throwing hand); by the time you place your front foot down, you should already be in your throwing motion; use your glove-side arm to pull your glove-side shoulder down as you release the ball. Re-read that. How many "steps" take place?

If you said, "one." You're right. It comes right after you bring your glove to your hear and right before you release the ball. Now that runner still only has the 5 or 6 steps on the catcher, which isn't that many in the long run...err, 60-foot run...when the catcher's got a rocket-launcher for an arm.  <<Watch Ashley Holcombe, USA Catcher, demonstrate proper throwdown technique...if you don't believe me.>>

So, right there. That's a constructive criticism that I give to all my catchers--and you, my faithful blog sufferer reader. It's a wrong and a reason, followed up with a right, a reason and a how-to. I even added that super video (courtesy of Easton) to reinforce the how-to. Sounds easy to do, right? (The catching thing and the constructive criticism thing.) It's not...at least, not for everyone. It takes time and it takes practice. But I've got the time, if you've got the practice.


"Baaaaaah, where is this blog actually going," you wonder? "It surely can't all be about how critical Coach Stephanie/Steph/Derry" is of herself! I'm not even a catcher, what do I care about the right throwing techniques?!"


Well, I've faced my fair share of criticism in the last few weeks--both internal and external--just as we all will from time to time. The internal criticism is fine and dandy. I know how to turn my "we did [this] all wrong!s" and "what was I thinking?s" into "we're going to work on [this]es" and "next time, I'll do [that]s." I can deal with the internal criticism on my own, because it's in my control. The external criticism is a little different, though, because it's out of my control.


Everyone's a critic. We've all been criticized and judged at one point or another in our lives, and we've all criticized or judged someone else at one point or another in our lives. From what you're wearing to how you drive to how much time you spend on Facebook at work to even the way you run your softball team, everyone's got a differing opinion. And that's fine. Everyone's entitled to their opinions. In fact, I openly welcome opinions; I call it my Open Door Policy, and it extends to players and parents (and blog readers!), alike. I prefer that the opinions are delivered as constructive criticism and I will certainly warn you that if you deliver criticism to me (constructive or not), you better be prepared to discuss it. Especially when it comes to my life, my blog and my team, I'm the head honcho. In the end, what I say goes...and don't for one second think I don't put a great deal of thought into what I "say" before it "goes." But I'm willing to hear your side of the story; maybe I can learn something from you, just like I hope to teach you something.


I don't know who you are. I could certainly take a guess based on what Google Analytics tells me--your IP address, your internet provider, the time of your visit, your location, how you found the blog, etc.--but I won't bother. So, if you've got constructive criticism for me, by god share it! Maybe (just maybe) you don't like how many parentheses I use. Maybe you don't like the fact that I posted this blog. Or maybe you don't like my theories on softball and coaching. Either way, you can comment here, you can email email me and you can even DM me on Twitter. All I ask is that you be open to hear all sides of the story...because, after all, EVERYONE's a critic and EVERYONE's got an opinion. :)


In the meantime, you can bet your bottom dollar that I've turned all my criticisms into learning experiences...and drills. 

The first gameday?

This could be the first time I post something on gameday. I guess you can chalk it off to the fact that we've never had a 4:30pm start-time before. Yes, 4:30pm. Start-time. 4:30pm.

What the heck am I supposed to do with my Saturday until then? It's like a sick tease. Here, have some Saturday...and then go work. Yay! At least I got to sleep in -- does 7:45am count as "sleeping in?"

Two games today and I think we're ready. I know we're all hyped. Bring it on!

Ok, Time for Plan B?

Well, it's Thursday evening so I've had plenty of time to "process" our weekend. Here's what I came up with:

• Hitting was better than ever.
• Fielding was pretty strong, though we lacked (again) on some of the routine plays.
• Out of about 20 innings, we played 17 spectacularly.
• Out of the 3 innings we didn't play spectacularly, 2 cost us 2 losses (1 each).
• Attitude is amazing when it's on.
• Attitude is amazing when my attitude is on.
• My attitude is on when the girls' attitude is on.
• "I'm getting better at fighting the future. (Some day you'll be fine.) Yes, I'll be just fine." << Click after you read the post.

You know...I don't know what else to say here. I could have made defensive changes that may have saved our games, but it's hard to make defensive changes in the middle of the inning. And, either way, we really lost the games on the little stuff like past balls, missed grounders, overthrow, blooper-hits that weren't fielded properly, etc.

One thing I did hear a lot of this weekend was: "what's the score?" I've got my different theories on this, too. First, I feel like the players deserve to know what they're up against -- and sometimes it can bolster them into giving more to fight back. But, on the other hand, I wonder, "what's it matter?" If the score's a lot to a little, they're likely to give up. If the scores a little to a little less, will they give up or get comfortable? Knowing my girls...well, knowing my girls, I think it's best to keep the score from them. I think that's what I'll do this weekend.

I know that this weekend will be tough. The competition seems like it will be more consistently solid this weekend. Last weekend, I think we faced some decent competition then went on to face a really tough competitor right after. That's a tough transition to make for the girls. Oddly enough, we started off all of our games very strong. It was like we just got too tired/downhearted to continue on during those tougher games -- which happened to be games #3 on Saturday and #2 on Sunday. I'd like to say I really understood it, but I don't. 

And, you know what? I just got a crazy idea to play a 4-man outfield with 3 girls. Hmmm...it's just crazy enough to work against the stronger offensive teams, and surely crazy enough to signal that it's time for bed.

One more day and then we take the field again. :)

It was good -- is that good enough for now?

My heart really wants me to blog about this weekend's tournament but my head keeps saying, "Wait. Process it first."

It was a whirlwind, that's for sure -- with ups and downs, highs and lows. I do need some more time to process it, before I can really find the words to say about it. I'll get around to that this week.

So, for now I'll just say that it was good. Great at times. Bad at times. And, in the end, it evened out to a straight "good." That has to be good enough for now. :-D

Here we go again :)

Seriously. I would like to know where October came from. Last time I checked, it was mid-May and I was preparing for my first tournament as a head coach. Bah!

Anyway. We're at a really good place right now. I'm not as nervous to post this entry -- at least, not as much as I was last time -- but I am anxious to see how my girls play this weekend. We've had a few really great practices under our belts since our last tournament, and everybody's feeling good.

We've got one girl on the injury list, but we've got 2 guest players helping us out this weekend. So, here I am on a Friday night, trying to figure out my plan for tomorrow. Good thing we don't play until noon tomorrow...

You have to admit that travel softball is different than any other sport. Not only do we play more than one/two games in a day, there are specific girls who can't play the same position for all those games. For example, I can't expect my catcher to catch all three games (plus play the 2+ games on Sunday); I can't ask my pitcher to pitch all three Saturday games, then come out and perform at the same level on Sunday.

Luckily, I've got a versatile group of girls. Many of them play more than two positions. In any other sport you'd worry about these girls becoming "jacks of all trades and masters of none" but that's not the way it goes in travel softball -- if you can't make yourself reliable in more than at least one position, you're liable to find yourself on the bench. A lot of my girls have made themselves reliable in more than one position. It's nice.

So with my line-ups penciled out now, I think I'll make my way to bed and sleep easy. Tomorrow (like any other day on the field) will be a big day for us, and I'm hopeful that we'll play our best and come out on top.

This is commitment, as explained by Kit-the-Kat and other Kittehs

Let me first warn you that this post contains an inappropriate amount of cat pictures that have very little to do with softball, but may or may not bring a smile (even an LOL) to your face. Some were taken from the interwebs via Google Image...others are actual snapshots I've taken. You can decide which are which.

Kitteh sez, "fwendz dont wet fwendz pway bessball."

Moving on..
At some point in all of our lives, we've agreed to a commitment. Whether it's to a partner, a job, our education, a team or anything else, commitment always works the same. Commitment, by definition, is "a pledge or promise" or an "obligation." And it's nice when that thing to which we're committed (hopefully not a psychiatric hospital...haha...see the pun?) stays fresh by offering variety; but there's also a settling comfort in knowing that thing to which we're committed is reliable and unchanging. But what happens when things stay unchanging? What happens when you loose that freshness? What happens when that "pledge or promise" becomes more of an "obligation?"

Kit in bath tub says, "Where's my water?!"

Let's take, for example, my cat. Her name is Kit (AKA Kit-the-Kat, Muffintop, Fatty McScreamsalot, Snuggle-Wuggle-Was-A-Cat and HOLY[EXPLETIVE]DONTEATMYSWEATER); and, believe it or not, all of my cats have been named after characters in books/movies I was reading/watching at the time...so, no, Kit is not an unoriginal name for a cat, thank you very much! ANYWAY. I am committed to Kit. I may not always come home straight from work to her, and softball (among other things like friends who live out of town, college football and well deserved vacations) pull me away from her for weekends or sometimes weeks at a time. But when I get home -- no matter how long I've been away -- I know that Kit will be waiting by the door for me...or, at least, near enough to ambush me as soon as I get in the door. Most nights, she'll scream at me for a good half-hour until I give her wet food (spoiled fatty brat!) and then she'll lay down on the floor as I work on my computer, read or watch TV; and when I'm ready to go to wash up for bed, she'll sit in my bath tub and wait for water (spoiled thirsty brat!); and when I'm ready to go to bed, she'll come lay with me for ten minutes or so before she assumes her position on the "passenger side" of the bed. I love Kit for this. She's so reliable! I always know what she needs and what she will do. It makes my commitment to her (i.e., to provide her with food and water and affection) so easy.

Kit assumes that all birthday presents are for her.

But, then, the other night, I woke up around 4am. When I had finally tossed and turned into a somewhat comfortable position in which I could fall back asleep, Kit came crawling over me and snuggled up beside me. What a pleasant surprise from my little spoon! Or, as I type this, she is investigating something she deems as strange in my purse...it may be the money I actually have in my wallet right now. Anyway, the point is that this variety and deviation from the norm keeps things bearable for me. Otherwise, I fall into a shadow-like state of being, always doing things because that's just "how it goes." That's when, I think -- when we lose touch with our real selves -- we start to forget why we were even committed in the first place.

Sometimes, I admit, I forget why I have a commitment to Kit...other than the reasons like "she would probably drown to death, trying to drink the water from the toilet bowl" and "she would probably wander around hopelessly and end up sticking her tongue in an outlet just to garner some sort of attention." Every day, I always do the same things for her and almost every day she responds in the same manner. It's easy to lose sight of the wonderful reasons why I have Kit...reasons like "companionship," "someone to talk to besides the frozen chicken that's been in my freezer since early 2009" and "the cutest, fattest and fluffiest damn paperweight ever known to man." So, when I start to fall in my shadow-like state of being, I'm putting out food and water because it's an obligation I have to her rather than a contribution I make because I want Kit to be happy and healthy. Poor cat...

Now, back to softball: Committing to a team, through its ups and its downs, can be difficult. And, when the downs become the norm, it can be very easy to start doubting, and even regretting, the commitment you made. I've been there before in my softball career; I know what it feels like to just show up because it's an obligation you made to the however-many girls and coaches on the team.  But softball -- the kind of softball we play -- is more than just the however-many girls and coaches on the team or the however-many tournaments and games we play. What I think we all need to remember is that ups and downs are NOT calculated by simply looking at the win-loss column. The ups are the weekends and week nights we spend together, the down-time in between games when we just hang out and laugh, the emotional and physical growth we're all experiencing by working as a team, learning to live with others and giving this everything we've got.

So, I've got to hand it to my girls. They've done a great job holding up their end of the bargain in our commitment. I know it's tough and we've all had our fleeting moments of doubt and regret, but I'm thankful that I've got a committed group of girls. Girls who stand beside me and one another. Girls who continue to give it their all even when the cards are stacked against them. Girls who are working towards improving their communication and general inter-personal skills. What more could I ask for? Their commitment and determination is what keeps me committed and determined. And that commitment and determination could bring a smile to my face even if I was halfway sunk in quicksand...because as my lower half descended into the quicksand's tight grip, I know they would all point and laugh at how silly Coach Steph is...and then someone would be like "Oh, [expletive]! We should probably help her." And let me tell you how much commitment and determination you need to pull someone out of quicksand after they're already halfway under.

I hope that we can keep up our commitment and determination. Well, I know that we can, but it's up the girls to really do so.

Oh gnomes, kitteh!

Halp Wanted: Dogs need not apply.

*Special thanks for this post go to the ICanHasCheezburger movement of grossly misspelled words and funny, sometimes photoshopped, pictures of cats.

*P.S. You're welcome and now I'm going to bed because it's way past my bedtime (again).

Is that wood? Knock on it.

I hate this feeling. This feeling that I know we're going to play well, but I'm still scared "you-know-what"less. We had two great practices this week, on Sunday and Wednesday, so I'm definitely riding the high from that. But I'm not stupid, either. I've been knocking on anything I've encountered that even looks like wood all week long.

I'm really so afraid to jinx us, that I'm afraid to press PUBLISH on this post.
...Should I? I want everyone to know that we're playing well and feeling great!
...Should I not? I DON'T WANT TO JINX US! (Sorry for the all-caps.)

I will. We're playing great, feeling great and pumped for our first fall tournament this weekend. Knock on some wood for us. I'm not asking for a trophy, just a solid performance from the girls...just like the ones they've been giving all week. :-D

I am a Moose. Or, at least, I'd like to be.

According to many different spiritual groups, like Pagans and polytheistic religions, humans have a very strong connection to animals on an individual basis. It's often said that persons of these faiths have spiritual animals that guide them through life, by teaching them lessons and helping them find their way. And, according to WikiHow (the incredibly credible source for all how-to knowledge, of course...*sarcasm*), the many theories on spiritual animals are varied, most specifically as to how long the animal stays with a person. Some say they stay with the person for life; others say they come and go in the person's life, passing on their knowledge, strength and power until the person is ready to live without them. I'd like to believe the second theory; the point of life is to grow, after all, so it only makes sense that you will need different spiritual animals as you continue to progress mentally, physically and emotionally through your life.

Every animal has it special "power." Ants, for example, are very accepting of their place. They work seemlessly in large groups (or "teams") and do their job without questioning or defying authority. Most importantly, they work for a greater cause, rather than themselves; they work for the good of the team. I like ants for this reason. Whether or not they consciously recognize their place and position in their society, they continue forward as productive members of the team. Plus...we all know ants can lift like 150x their body weight! (Syke, I think it's just 20x or something, which is still astounding!)

I also like the Moose. Of all the spiritual animals, I think I need the Moose to guide me right now. According to the Manataka American Indian Council, the Moose "is a symbol of courage and determination. Those who know the moose spirit proudly walk with grace and have universal knowledge. The power of their presence is awesome and inspiring." As a coach (go figure I'd talk about coaching on my blog...), I really like this idea. I'd like to think that I held universal knowledge and was both awesome and inspiring.

I think I've found it off the field. Well, okay...maybe not the "universal knowledge" part. I'm still absolutely confounded with some of the problems the girls ask me for advice on. Thankfully, they usually text me about these problems, so they can't see me sitting there with my mouth agape thinking, "Holy [censored], what the [censored] am I supposed to say to that?!" But, over the 9 or so months that I've actually spent with them -- taking the time to listen to them and learn them -- I think I've got that "awesome" and "inspiring" thing down pat. (By the way, can we take a minute to talk about how modest I am?) Anyway...I know I'm still searching for that on the field...that "moose" thing. I know it takes time; I certainly don't expect miracles in a day (or a year for that matter). I'm just ready for the day that I can really lead on the field and get results.

Now, don't get me wrong! My girls have made INCREDIBLE progress over the last year. (I'll say that over and over again until you believe it, because it's sooooooo true.) It's amazing to think of what we started with last January and what we have now in September. It's exciting. I'm just lost, sometimes, as to how to really inspire the girls.

A couple weeks ago (when I started this blog, LOL), we played a little "mental" game before we scrimmaged the other team in our organization: I brought those "pills" that you drop in water and they transform into sponge animals. As the pills transformed into their respective animals, we talked about finding our own spiritual animals...the things/advice/knowledge/skills that we need to find deep within ourselves to succeed. Our biggest problem, still, is digging down deep to find the "strength" we need to win (...and I don't mean just pulling out a W in the game). We went on to lose that scrimmage pretty bad. We made silly errors and couldn't hit; the girls hung their heads afterwards. I explained to them again why we did the exercise with the animals again in our post-scrimmage talk, but I have a feeling it's still not settling in.

One time, I took the time to write everyone on the team a card before a big tournament. I pulled out inspirational quotes that fit each girl and encouraged them to play their best, then gave everyone their cards before we warmed up for our first game on Saturday. It didn't work. We lost three games that day. We went on to win one and lose one really close game on Sunday...because Sunday is different. I just wish they could play like it was Sunday everyday. Anyway, I digress: we were at practice a few weeks ago and one of the girls was like "Hey, look what I found in my bag, Coach!" and showed me the card. I went home that night feeling proud that she kept it, then thought back to all the random crap I found in my bat bag after every season. Socks, hair ties, old gum, bandannas...I even once found a book that belonged to my school!

So, needless to say, sometimes I wonder if all I'm doing is giving my girls "useless crap" that they'll just clean out of their "bag" one day. (Yes, "bag" is a metaphor for life.) I wonder if anything I say or do or give them is settling in. This is when I need the moose most of all: because I know I have to keep trying; because I want to keep trying; because the girls need me to keep trying. I just need someone/thing to help me find the courage and determination to do so...to really believe that one of these little games we play, one little things I say, or one of the little things I do will really make a difference.

My other coaches, and many of my parents, are very supportive and I don't know what I'd do without their support and encouragement. But this is something I've got to find within myself, so that I can win. Because when I win, the girls win.

OMG! A New Post! A New Season! OMG!

Sorry for all the OMGs in the title...I was going for dramtic effect, you know. Anway, on with the new post!

Wowzers. I know I've said this before, but sometimes all I can really say is wow. It's hard to believe 11 weeks of summer could roll by so quickly. And even harder to believe that it's been about a year since I joined the organization. Where did all the time go? Here I am, a year later, trying to remember the best from all the games. Heck, I can't name all the teams we played...or even all the parks! It was a great year, I know. We had a blast, played our best and got to play on some really nice fields. Of course, we didn't always have fun, we played our worst sometimes and had the pleasure of playing on some really crappy fields, too. Oh well -- you win some, you lose some. :)

Seriously, though. I look back at the progress of the girls over the year and am astounded. I mean, we can play a small-ball game now. Some of the girls are switch hitters now. Some of the girls even learned new positions (and pitches). And, hey, everybody likes me now. (Or...likes me well enough to respect me. LOL). But let's face it, this is my one place to be egocentric--this blog is about ME, not the girls--so I figured I'd run through 2 top 10 lists from 2010: first, Top 10 Things I Learned from My Girls and, second, Top 10 Things I Learned My First Year as a Coach. Enjoy :)

Top 10 Things I Learned from My Girls
10. I have more nicknames than Jesus.
9. The complaint was just for "noise."
8. My "mamma" is so [many different things] and no one's heard of the circus fire.
7. Never tell stories about the backseat of your car.
6. "I don't know" and "I don't care" really mean "I do know/care, I'm just afraid to say it."
5. Wear a belt...and always wear your safety harness.
4. There's a dance for everything.
3. It's impossible to put together a playlist of songs without curse words.
2. Everybody needs a hug sometimes and kisses do make boo-boos feel better.
1. Teenagers are hard to impress, but if you keep trying and being yourself and you can earn their respect.

Top 10 Things I Learned My First Year as a Coach
10. Stand your ground and believe that you're right, even when someone (like an umpire) says your wrong.
9. Playing a tournament with 9 girls is physically tough, but having 3 on the bench can be emotionally rough.
8. The lifetime of one pair of socks is one season.
7. Assistant coaches are good for much more than just "assisting."
6. Unlimited text messaging is absolutely necessary.
5. Sunday afternoon naps are awful. (Trust me, you don't want one.)
4. 'Tudes don't belong on the field.
3. Make your line-ups at least 30 minutes prior to the game's start time.
2. Parents will always talk. Listen, but don't.
1. Set a good example: the girls hear everything you say and see everything you do. If you're lucky, they look up to you, so what you do and say matter.

Of course, I learned a lot more from my girls and as a head coach over the last year. And I really do hope that the girls have learned a lot from me over the last year...after all, that's what really matters. It's a strange balance between everything being about me (so that I can help the girls be everything they can be) and everything being about the girls (because they're why I'm here in the first place). So here's to 2010-2011, learning from our mistakes, and being the best we can be.

When I find the time again...

I know I need to post, again. I know I've been avoiding it. Between vacation, the World Series in Tennessee, going back to work and try-outs, though...well, I'm just spent. :)

I'll give you some bullet points though:

• Vacation was good and certainly not long enough.
• World Series had its ups and downs as we knew it would. It was a great experience, though.
• Going back to work was really hard. (Can't I just do softball as a career?)
• Try-outs had their ups and downs as we knew they would. Good experience, though, and I'm looking forward to this year...which starts THIS WEEK. Dangitdangitdangitdangitdangit.

So, yeah. Between now and practices starting back up, I have two major goals: get a good blog entry in and get a serious amount of sleep. :-D

What if it ain't broke, but it ain't fixed either?

I don't know. Sometimes, I just don't. Sometimes, I'm okay with that. Tonight is not one of those nights.

I'll be damned if that last post wasn't just a crystal ball prediction of how we played last weekend. We played smart, we made double plays and checked for runners and kept our heads straight. Sure the 'tudes came and went; and, yes, we struggled with the bats at times. But we played well for the most part; it was a huge confidence builder for us all.

This week? A totally different story. Practices were sketch. Real sketch. Lack of focus, lack of drive, lack of effort, lack of energy... Needless to say there was a lack of "play making" on Tuesday and Thursday. But I shrugged it off. I said to myself, "The girls are tired. We've played a long season so far. We just need to get through the week so we can get back into the games this weekend and they'll show up then."

Wrong! This morning was particularly rough. Zero--count them, ZERO--of the girls gave everything they had. And, of course, the few that gave the most made silly mistakes. Wow, you know? That's all I can think: Wow...

The second game was a little better, and the third game a little better than that. The competition also got a little easier as progressed through the day.

Anyway, we go into tomorrow morning straight off a big win. It was our first "3rd game of the day win" ever. EVER. So I'm happy about that. Only problem is that we face our own 14U team (who are playing up in the 16U brackets this weekend) tomorrow morning.

So, I don't know! Scratch that: I know too much! I spent all fall and winter with the 14s. I taught their catchers. I've spent any free time I had with that team this spring/summer. I've tracked their pitchers' pitches. I know their hitting signals. I know their pitching signals. I know their strengths and their weaknesses. I know the opportunities and threats we'll offer them. So, right now, I just don't know what to do...besides bring the A game and be happy that it's not an elimination game (the winner will stay in the Gold bracket, the loser will just fall to the Silver bracket...after that, it's single elimination for both teams).

I think what I'll tell myself and the girls is: Make the plays. And if they make an even better play, at least you can be happy for them.

Wish us (both the 16s and the 14s) luck!

Don't break what ain't fixed.

I'll be honest, I haven't posted in the last week because I was waiting for a good day. I feel like a lot of my posts lately have been a little too "realistic" (I won't say negative), so I was waiting for a really good day to bring back the positive.

Today was a long day. Hell, this whole season's been one long day it seems. Practice tonight was good, though. Not amazing, not even great; it was good; more importantly, it was solid. I can't ask for the impossible out of my girls and I know that. Whether or not I can ask them for 100% is still unclear to me, but tonight they gave a lot. And something -- I don't know what -- seemed to be working. Something seemed to click; they made plays they hadn't been making, they looked for runners when they usually forgot, they turned close double plays when they hadn't been able/thought to in the past. Whew. That's all I can think now: a sigh of relief.

Of course, we missed a few plays, didn't hit as well as I know we could've and the attitudes weren't perfect. But we're all flawed, right? That's alright. I'd take "giving it your all" and losing over "giving half, if even" and winning any day.

Anyway, we play in Richmond this weekend and I really want us to come out -- and STAY -- strong. Maybe it helped that we had all the girls (plus an extra we picked up for the last three tournaments) there tonight. Who knows; maybe the universe of "team dynamics" has been set straight again. I don't know! But I like it. It was a good practice, and I hope it means it'll be a good tournament.

Love the Business if it Spreads the "Music"

Music has always been an integral part of my life. It's always playing around me, and I'm always searching for that something "new" to keep me feeling alive. So, when I saw that the founder of Pandora Radio, Tim Westergren, took an interview on the Charlie Rose Show last night, I just had to watch. (You can click on the Charlie Rose Show link in the previous sentence to see the video.) As you may well know, Pandora is making huge leaps in the US music, radio and technology industries. It brings new and old music together based on a "music genome project" that classifies songs and artists by genre, sound, style and much more; it provides listeners with a stream of music based on what they want to hear, and allows the users to customize their radio "stations" to continually hear what they want, as well as discover new music/songs/artists.

During the fairly casual, 20-minute discussion, Charlie asked Tim an interesting question: "Do you love music or do you love business?" It seems like the expected response would be, as Tim first responded, "I love music." But he continued on to explain that "what makes [his] job so wonderful...is that [he's] getting to run a business that...is having a big impact, through music, on people. And...[he] can't imagine something more fulfilling."

It was the perfect answer, if you ask me. I mean, we all love something but that love isn't what will fulfill our lives. It's doing something through, or with, that love that makes it wonderful: life's about sharing the passion.

So, if you ask me: Do you love softball or do you love coaching? I love softball, hands-down. But I enjoy coaching so much because it enables me to share a passion (and some life lessons) through softball.

For my 25th birthday, I got a tattoo: "Ut Prosim." As people have noticed it, I've received a variety of different questions/responses, my favorite of which are:

• *Squinted eyes, as if trying to decipher gobbledygook* "What's that mean?";
• *Pensive look* "What's it mean?";
• *Rolls eyes* "That's a Tech thing, right?";
• *Steps back in shock* "So--what?--you're enlisting in the Army or something?"; and my absolute favorite
• *Raised eyebrow* "Ummmm, okay? I mean, are you still happy you got [the tattoo]?"

Ut Prosim is Latin for "that I may serve." Yes, it's Virginia Tech's motto; no, that's not why I got it. I guess, all my life I've been a "sharer," a "giver," a "listener," a "teacher." I've always been there for, and to help, others. There's very little that I do for ME; often times, in fact, I get lost in helping others that I don't realize I need help, too. Even my tattoo is ironically evident of this: it's was a gift to myself, but the premise is all about giving myself to others.

I've heard a lot of chitter chatter lately about me, the girls on my team, the other coaches, the organization and more. I won't say what's being said (mostly because I've only heard snippets), but I know it was just straight gossip. Unfortunately, gossip is a strange thing to behold and an even harder thing to control; like a forest fire, it can renew the land but, when it gets that dreaded draft of wind, there's no stopping it.

No matter what anyone says, this is what I do. I give. And I will continue to give and give and give, until I've got nothing left to give. As long as I'm breathing, though, I'll have something to give. It's something I want to instill in my friends and the girls I coach; I want to give them all I have so that they have something to give in return. Then, when my last breath's exhaled, I hope there's still something of me that I gave being passed on to others through love (even if it's not softball).

When Wants "Eclipse" Sanity

No one's sane. I know that. Does it mean we're all insane? I don't think so. I just know that no one is actually ever in their "right mind." We're all just a little crazy because there's always something we want to do and it never seems to be what's "right." Why? Who the heck knows... Anyway, "want" clouds your judgement; passion overrides reason. Therefore, if we want something, we cannot be sane.

Let's try it this way: "The law," as we learned from Aristotle, "is reason free from passion." (The real quote from Politics, of course, is more often translated as: "The law is reason unaffected by desire." But the common idiom works well enough.) So, now we start deducing:

1. We know that the law is reason, according to Aristotle.
2. Sanity is defined as "soundness of judgment."
3. "Soundess of judgement" can be otherwise called rationality or reason.
4. If sanity is reason, then the law is sanity free of passion.

Dang -- okay, so my philosophy classes didn't pay off so well. (Sorry, Mom and Dad!) The point I was trying to make is that sanity is free of passion, so now the English major in me is taking over: Find a law or lawmaker that you think is free of passion and prove me wrong...I dare you. (How's that for an argument? Haha!)

Really, we're all a little crazy. We all want things that we know aren't good, or aren't right, for us. Like tonight, we took 18 of the 14U and 16U girls out to see Twilight's Eclipse. Why? Well, me and my co-head coach wanted to see it, the girls wanted to see it...so, we figured, why not make it a fun girls' night?

Wrong! I spent half the movie sitting in the aisle to keep the 16s quiet. The 16s! The 14s behaved well enough -- at least, when they talked it was in hushed whispers -- and, really, they just couldn't stop texting long enough to sit through a 2-hour movie. But my 16s... Dear god, the mouths wouldn't stop. And those mouths are BIG. I don't know how many times I said to them, "Do I need to take you out for a minute?" I've never given so many hateful looks in my life! And, honestly, who has to threaten a 16-year-old with time-out -- in a public setting?!

It even got to a point where, (**SPOILER ALERT!**) after Bella finally kissed Jacob, one of my 16s turned to me and said, "Okay, that's all I wanted to see, you can take me out now." What nerve, right?!

Now, putting all my angst aside, I'm just disappointed that my girls couldn't behave better in a movie theatre full of people who paid a whole lot of money to see a movie on opening night. (I mean, I don't know about you, but $10 is a lot of money to me!) Honestly, though, I should've known better. I know my girls. I know that this is how they act. Why did I think that they could behave for 2 hours in a dark room when I can't get them shut up and focus for an hour and 15 minutes on the softball field? ...I think the answer is: because I wanted them to. And I wanted to believe they could.

In the end, it's not about the movie. I want a lot from those girls. And I want to believe that they can do so much. But these wants keep getting in the way of my (better) reason. Is it so bad for me to want that they give 100% at practices and during games? Is that so wrong? (I don't think so.) Maybe it is because they can't. Is it wrong for me to want the girls to do something they can't? I don't know. I'd like to see them at least try; to, at least, care enough and give 99.99% when that last 0.01% just isn't attainable. Is that crazy-talk? Sure it is. I know that! But is it the sort of crazy-talk that makes me a good coach? Or a bad one?

I don't know. I just don't anymore. I've still got that big decision to make this week. And tonight's showing at the movie theatre didn't help at all. In fact, it added on more things to consider and more decisions to make. Last night's practice went alright, though. The big rule of the night was "no speaking unless spoken to by a coach, or unless you're communicating a play on the field." They did pretty well with that, oddly enough. But all the girls know what's up; they know the decision I have to make. They know that their performance and attitude right now is on the line...for things much bigger than winning and losing a game.

I'll be honest, though, they know about the decision I have to make this week. What they don't know is that there's an even bigger decision I've been prompted to consider between now and August; and they shouldn't know because it would hurt them so much to even think that I have to think about these sort of things, but sometimes I wish they did know. I wonder if they'd try harder or just give up. I wonder if they'd push to find that 99.99% even when they knew that they just can't get that last 0.01%. Like I said in my last post: I wish I could say more, but I just can't.

I know I'm crazy. I know it's 10 til midnight and I'm writing this stupid blog that only 9 people read...well, more like 7 or 8, discounting the hits I get from myself. Crazy. Crazy, crazy, crazy. So it goes.

Time flies when you're...???

I know I haven't posted in 11 days. I apologize for that. I'm just not sure where the time has gone. Needless to say, it's time for a serious recap.

We played in Williamsburg last weekend for the NSA States. Went 0-3 on Saturday. I wish I could say what happened, but I can't. We blew major leads in every game, too; I just have no idea why. On Sunday we got a very lucky break (the fact that we played, to be honest, was lucky) and went 2-3. It was the best I've seen the girls play all season. They played consistently, to win, every inning of every game. In the end, we tied for 5th place and it was not only a major achievement for us, but a MAJOR pick-me-up for us all. Plus, compared to our past records, 2-4 is not bad for us in a tournament. But don't get me wrong, we should've won every single game.

This weekend, it was the same old stuff...but different, somehow. We went 1-2 on Saturday; won the first game and lost the other two. And we lost the last game BIG TIME. Today, we came out to win and did...during the first game. We did win that first game. Then we had a game break and lost the second game BIG TIME. Like MAJOR TIME. (Notice "major" is in all caps, bolded and underlined.) So, in the end we went 2-3. And, honestly, we should've won all five games.

I think of it as progress, though--when you compare it to Petersburg, when we went 0-5. It's hard to believe that was almost a month ago. Where does the time go?? I wish I could tell you, but I just can't. I can say, however, that I've learned more about 16-year-old girls in this past month than I did my whole year being a 16-year-old girl. :)  And maybe it wasn't easy, but it was good.

To be honest, I've come such a long way since we played that first tournament in Charlottesville in May. I think about it now and am like, "Well, that wasn't so long ago." But the progress I've made as a coach and my team's coach has been incredible. I'm proud of myself. From the way I approach the game, create line-ups and field positions to the way I approach the umpires and hold my own. I've had two saving graces this summer (my co-head coach and the 14s coach), and I know I only need a little more time until I can do it all on my own. Knowing that--versus just thinking it and hoping it--is a major achievement for me. I know I couldn't have done it without their support, though, and I'm forever grateful. I know I'm still young, though...

I turned 25 this past week. In this past week alone, I've dealt with way more things than any 25-year-old should deal with. Or, at least, that's what everyone keeps telling me. But I think of it this way: I made a commitment to this team and that means I deal with the good, bad and ugly. And, let me tell you, I've seen it all at this point. I've seen the good go to bad, and vice versa; I've seen the good go to ugly, and vice versa; I've seen the bad go to ugly, and vice versa; hell, I've seen the good go to "WTF," and vice versa. I've even seen the good stay good, the bad stay bad and the ugly stay real ugly. I wish I was only talking about what happens on the field, too; I'm not.

Anyway, we have two tournaments left in the season plus World Series. I have to start thinking about next year, which sounds stupid but is true. I've got a whole lot more to think about--even beyond my farmer's tan--but that's part of the game. Looking back and learning: The one thing I never realized coaching would be is so much THINKING. I mean, I always thought a lot and I always will. Even as a player, I was always thinking. This time around, as a coach, I have to think beyond the next game and even the next tournament. I wish I could say more here but until I make my mind up, I know I have to keep it with me.

So here's to hoping that the next two weeks race by and that the next two tournaments creep so that we can live it up.

Freud would have a field day with my dreams

I'll be the first to admit that this week is not my week. So it goes... But I did wake up this morning to a string of strangely peaceful dreams. The first was of my girls huddled around first base about to do their pre-game cheer as I walked up to the plate to meet the umpires and the opposing team's coaches. Then my alarm went off. Then I was walking up to my girls to do a little pre-game prayer. Then my alarm went off and I realized I was running late for work.

I'm not sure what it all means. I mean, it wasn't necessarily happy. And it's not like the dreams are foreshadowing anything I didn't already foresee. We've landed an 8am game on Saturday morning in Williamsburg (for NSA States) so, yes, we'll do a little pre-game cheer and, yes, we'll do a little pre-game prayer. (By the by, my views on team prayers and sanctioned religious acts are completely separate from the fact that the girls seem to appreciate that we do team prayers. It's all about the girls, anyway.)

So, what does it really mean? Hell if I know...

Anyway, we had a pretty productive practice last night at the batting cages. My other co-head coach pulled girls aside one-by-one to discuss some of the more personal issues we've got going on with the team while I helped girls hit in the cages. It was no major victory for any of the girls, the coaches or the team as a whole, but it was a slew of small victories. And the small victories add up to big ones in the end.

We've got one more practice before our big return to the tournament cycle this weekend. We'll only have 9 girls on Saturday and I'm crossing my fingers for the 10th girl on Sunday; but I'm not holding my breath. What stinks is that we're gauranteed at least 3, if not 4, games on Saturday. The funniest part about it is: if we win, win and win, then we play a 4th game but if we lose one of the games we only play 3...and, god forbid, if we lose two of the games, we go home. Seems a little odd, doesn it? Oh well, I'm hoping for 4 solid games anyway. :-D

So, when we win all 4 games on Saturday... Let's just leave it at that.

Tomorrow's going to be a good day, no matter what. I've already decided that. I'm not going to let this crappy week or anything else get in the way of a really great practice. It's what the girls need before they take the field again for a game. But...when I think about all the crappy practices we've been having lately, I'm starting to wonder: Should I hope for a bad practice? They always say a bad dress rehearsal means a great opening night. But who am I kidding? This is softball, not theatre. And we've got enough drama already...we don't need any more.

Cheers to a really great day tomorrow. And here's to hoping I have a few more peaceful dreams tonight.

13 More Minutes

Well, it seems as if it's been a while since my last post! Apologies for that. Between practices, tournaments, the Women's College World Series and...oh yeah, that thing they call work...I just haven't had time to breathe, let alone blog. Trust me, my referigerator is empty, I have no toilet paper at the house, and the dirty laundry stacks higher than I am tall.

Whereas I kept telling myself that this weekend would be different, that I'd get my life in order, it seems I underestimated my obsession with softball. My 16s have the weekend off, but our 14s played in Sterling. So, what did I do? I packed up my bags, stayed with a friend in Baltimore on Friday night and spent all Saturday on the ballfield with the 14s. And it was wonderful.

I've been working with the 14s longer than I have the 16s--since I started with them in the Fall last year--but yesterday was really good for me to bond with them. At practices, I'm the coach that makes the girls run and catches them when they start talking about anything other than softball; I'm the hard-ass, for lack of a better word. Needless to say, I didn't make many friends over the winter. But yesterday, there was no pressure for me...I was just there to "help out." I tracked pitches and carried equipment and just hung out. The girls got to see another side of me, and I think they liked it. Sure they had their fun with me, poking jokes and asking me ridiculous questions about my personal life, but they're 14 years old. What did I expect? And, of course, now they're all on a mission to find me a husband. Yaaaaaaaay. (Sarcasm.)

Seriously, though, it was good. A great day, in fact. They went 3-1 and are playing in their 3rd elimination game as I write this...Here's to hoping they're out there playing their A game!

Anyway. The 16s seem to be struggling lately. I thought the week break between our first and second tournament would be good for the girls to get their heads right and come out to the field fresh. I was wrong. Personal lives, on-field tiffs, and general "tude-iness" crushed us. We lost every game on our own. And, yes, I mean to say we lost every game. We went 0-3 in pool play, lost our elimination game on Sunday morning and then lost the consolation game on Sunday afternoon. 0-5. 0-5!!! That makes us 1-8 for the season so far. And, really -- REALLY -- I could be okay with it if the losses were good games. One of them was a great game, but a loss. I'll take that one...plus it was my fault we lost; and I've learned my lesson so no need to dwell on it (again). But the other 7 losses? We beat ourselves. In the first tournament we had 21 errors in 4 games. In the second tournament we had 26 errors in 5 games. That means we're averaging 5.2 errors per game. I'm not happy about that at all. Neither are the girls.

So, I gave the girls an option at our mandatory practice on Thursday night: they could do 26 "tasks" of my choice or they would be mine for 26 minutes (to do whatever I say). They chose 26 minutes and I think they chose correctly. We did 13 minutes of sprints and push-ups and crunches and more sprints on that Thursday night. We'll do the other 13 minutes today and I still need to figure out what we'll do.

I really don't like punishing errors like this, but I'm hoping this will help them hate it. My only fear is that, with all the tudes, it will just drag them down. You see, our real problem is that when an error is committed, the negativity skyrockets...so another error follows...then another...then they can't hit because they're so mad...then another tude comes around with the "I'm sick of her tude" attitude. Ack! It's really such a viscious cycle. So, my fear is that...if they know they'll run for errors, they'll be afraid to make plays...and, thus, make errors. But this is the chance I'll take. We've got to find a way through the error/tude fog; it's really the only thing that's holding us back from being an AMAZING TEAM. And when I say AMAZING, I mean AMAZING.

I think the other half of our troubles last weekend was the fact that we picked up 2 new girls. And we never even got to practice as a whole team with them...so, of course, there was bound to be an adjustment period. But we had 1 mandatory (and 1 voluntary) practice last week; we've got another mandatory today, plus a voluntary on Tuesday and one last mandatory on Thursday. So we've got good time to get settled and comfy with ourselves and our team (again). Let me say, though, that the 2 new girls have great potential and will really add to the team...when we all get comfy-cozy, that is. :-D

Anyway, 13 more minutes today and then we let it go and move forward fresh. We go to NSA States in Williamsburg next weekend and, as much as I don't like going to bed mad/disappointed, I really hate going to bed in a hotel room mad/disappointed. Haha.

I'll try to update again this week and I'll definitely take my computer with me to Williamsburg next weekend. Until then...have a great one! And please...if you've got any coaching suggestions, comment here on the blog or drop me a line at ourladyofthediamond@gmail.com ... and remember, you can always tweet me (@ladyothediamond).

"We got that attitude!"

For everyone in the world (well, maybe not everyone), it was just another Thursday. For me, it was moving day at work and an optional practice day at softball...that was, until I woke up.

As I stirred to the incessant beeping of my alarm clock, my phone rang with a text message from one of my girls: "Don't worry about the email I sent you, it's nothing. I'm over it." Dear god, I thought to myself sarcastically, today's going to be a good day.

Though the email, which I'll skip on the majority of the details, wasn't a happy one, it definitely brought a smile to my face. Even a few tears. "Why do you care?" it asked me. "Why do you try and help out an angsty 16-year-old...or 10 of them for that matter?"

"Why?" I wondered over and over again as I showered, dressed, made my lunch and left for work. "Why, indeed!?"

The email came from one of the girls on the team to whom I'm closest. And as I made my way to work, it hit me. In fact, as I said "hey," "thanks" and "have a great day" to the expressway's toll attendant, it hit me: "This is exactly why." Because an email came in to me in the middle of the night (I won't say when), from someone who cared enough to think about why I cared.

Okay, I know that reasoning was a bit weird, but I'm not a morning person. And, to put it in an adult perspective, it's like your husband/wife rolling over in the morning and asking, "Why are you still with me?" ...Not really cool, right?

But, really, it means that someone's thinking about you. That they're -- on some level -- appreciating what you do.

Now, I don't do what I do for the compliments, awards, trophies or appreciation. I do it because I love it; but I wouldn't love it so much, I think, if it didn't mean something...if I wasn't actually helping an angsty 16-year-old or two. It wasn't so long ago that I was that angsty 16-year-old, and I know this sounds cocky but I wish I had someone like "me" around to help me out.

In college, when we read "Alice in Wonderland" we talked about why Lewis Carroll wrote the book. The story I heard was that he just wanted to write something he'd like to read. That's the way I'd like to live, and coach. It's like the golden rule. I'd want someone to be positive, someone to be there for me, someone to pick me up when I'm down; so, that's what I do. The fact that I'm actually doing that makes my whole week.

Really, any time I get to see those girls it makes my week. They've always got a story, even if it's just about what they ate for lunch, and it's always such a different perspective on life. It's those moments when I realize that my life up to that point is minimal. Sure, I love and give my all to work. Sure, I love and give my all to my friends and family. But seeing those girls smile, succeed and grow into women is what really makes my heart tick. Sometimes I wonder how I got by all this time without that.

So, you know what? "[I] don't care what you may say, [I've] got that attitude. Don't care what you may do, [I've] got that attitude. [I've] got that PMA!" Bring on the bad emails, bring on the emo. Bring on the angst and the drama. Bring it, I'm here to stay...whether or not you like it. Because I like it. Because I've got that Postive Mental Attitude.

A success of sorts--lots and lots of sorts

"Wow." That's all I could tell my girls after we lost our game this morning.

I honestly went into this weekend, thinking that we'd just have to survive. Figured we'd need a "B(itch) session" to let everyone express their frustrations this week. Figured I'd come out of this weekend with a notebook full of all the things we'd need to work on. But no.

We went 1-3 overall, but every game was better than the last. Our game this morning was stellar. A real great game. The girls gave 116% every pitch. And in the end, it came to a bad call on my part. We were up 3-1 against a team that ran us over yesterday (but a team we could beat) in the bottom of the 7th. That's when I switched pitchers. Granted my starter was getting tired and they were starting to hit her, but I should've let her stick it out for at least one out. We lost 4-3 with 1 out, on a sac fly and a close play at home.

My girls deserved that W. They earned it. I've never been so disappointed in myself in so long. But I trusted my closer pitcher. I thought she could come in and throw the other team for a loop. I should've known she'd need more time to find her rhythm. But just like the girls, I'm learning, too.

The best consolation I ever heard in my life is: "When two teams step onto a field, one will win and the other will lose." In this game, though, that definitely wasn't the case. Both teams walked away winners. We won that game fair and square for six and a half innings; they capitalized on my bad decision and pulled out the W. Yes, on paper we got the L, but we really did win.

I learned my lesson. I'll never do it again unless I absolutely have to. We shoud've been in the championship game today, but...

There will be plenty more tournaments, and even more games. We're lined up for seven more tournaments, including Nationals. I just hate that my girls proved so much this weekend and I let them down.

Damn. Really, that's all I can say now. We had a really bad 1st inning of the first game...after that, it was like a whole new team, a better team, each inning of each game. I've never been so proud in my life. They hit great, they had awesome plays in the field, they knew where the plays were, they communicated, they followed the coaches' instructions, they put up a helluva fight. Damn. Wow. That is not the team I'd been coaching the last 8 months. Yes--don't get me wrong!!--I knew they were a decent set of ballplayers, but they came together and played as a TEAM. Two weeks ago, before I left on my trip, I didn't have a team...I had a group of girls. This weekend, they all proved me wrong...I had a real team the whole time.

Now, I'm still learning what combinations work well and what my line-up strategy is, but that will come with time. As soon as I get that, we're straight.

All-in-all, I walked away from the tournament this morning with a HUGE smile on my face. I'm too excited for our next tournament. We don't play again until June 5th, and I lose a lot of girls this week to Varsity playoffs. So, as much as I don't want to take the time off and lose our momentum, I know we can get it back...and come out on top next time.

Watch out Virginia, my 16s are coming for your trophies. We're crazy and that's the way we like it.

No day like...tomorrow?

Growing up, I went through a bit of a showtunes phase. Odd--I know, right? Anyway, Les Mis, RENT, The Sound of Music, Carosel, etc., etc. If my brother's drama club or my opera-singing friend performed it, I probably sang along to it in my room (when no one was watching).

After my showtunes phase, I fell into music...hard. Music became an outlet for me to express my anger, hurt, frustration, happiness, excitement, lethargy, whatever. So, these days, I feel like I have a song for everything.

I've got an at-bat song: "Time Bomb," Dismemberment Plan (Yes, this is the song they used for me in college.)
I've got a fight song: "Tech Triumph," Wilfred P. Maddux (class of 1920) ... Hokie Hokie Hokie Hi!
I've got a party song: "LGFAD," Motion City Soundtrack (had to omit the language)
I've got a frustration song: "Epoch Coda," Emarosa
I've got a betrayal song: "Seventy Times 7," Brand New
I've got a "don't mess with me" song: "I Am Hollywood," He Is Legend
I've got a hopeless song: "Does He Love You?," Rilo Kiley

I've got a calm-down song: "(This is) The Dream of Evan and Chan," Dntel ft. Ben Gibbard (AKA The Postal Service)
I've got a contentment song: "Passenger Seat," Death Cab for Cutie
I've got a conviction song: "Here's to Life," Streetlight Manifesto
I've got an epiphany song: "Redy Sky," Thrice
...Well, the list just goes on and on...not including the slew of songs I've written myself.

But when I think about everything I have to achieve, before I'm in a place to actually achieve it, I think of the reprise at the end of RENT:

There is no future, no is no past....
There's only us, there's only this.
Forget regret,
Or life is yours to miss.
No other road,
No other way.
No day but today.

I guess this version is really a song of looking back at one's actions and deciding to take a better path from that moment on, but it just reminds me that I never want to sing that song in retrospect. So, I sing it as a precaution.

Tomorrow begins my first tournament season as a (head) coach and all I can hope for now is that "I wake up in the morning feeling like P. Diddy." ...And that I remember to live as if there's "no day but today."

What, Me Worry?

Why on Earth would I be worried? It's not like I've never coached a softball game before. It's not like I haven't spent the last 8 months training with my 16s for this. Most importantly, it's not like this is the biggest tournament of my or the team's careers.

Still, we've got 3 more days to go and my insides are starting to knot up. I've never given a pre-game pep-talk before. I've never been a real third base coach (with signs and strategy) before. I wasn't there at this Sunday's practice to see all the girls one last time before we all get together for warm-ups on Saturday morning.

Oh, sure, the list goes on but in times like these I always go back to that first list: the things I can do. And I just repeat it to myself (sometimes out loud) until I believe that I actually can do it all.

My high school math teacher used to always say, "If you're stuck on a problem, don't think about what you DON'T know. Just think about all the things you DO know and put those pieces together." If anything, it got you partial points for working through the problem and it did help calm you down so you could think straight. Usually, though, it helped you realize that you can figure out what you don't know in order to solve the problem.

So, here's everything (well, an abbreviated list...see "Softball 101" for more) that I do know.

• I know all my girls. I know their strengths and weaknesses. I know their smiles and their laughs. I know their frustrations and their "tude" problems. I've even seen some of their tears.
• I know all my assistant coaches. And I know they're behind me 100%. I know they're willing to help. I know they're great at what they do.
• I know my co-head coach will be there to help me whenever and however I need it. I know I can trust her with even the stupidest of questions. I know she'll step in even if I'm too stupid to ask for help.
• I know my book-keeper/score-keeper. Enough said, right?
• I know "umpires." I've seen every call that could ever be possibly called on every play possible. I know how to talk to umpires. I know when to talk to umpires. I know how to pull other coaches away from umpires :)
• I know the parents. I know they're supportive. I know they know the rules about not talking to the girls and staying away from the dug-out during games.
• I know how to play a tournament. I know what food to bring. (Mental note: just got back from a 4-day cruise; ate entire contents of refrigerator prior to the trip; must go to the grocery store.) I know how much water to bring. I know that suntan lotion, sunglasses and a hat are always the first things you put in your bag.
• I know how to do laundry during a tournament...and since I just got back from a cruise, I should probably do some!
• I know how to sleep before a game. I've only done it about 3 million times, which means I've made this list about 2,999,999 times before.

And on that note, I think I'm finally calm enough again to go relax, do some reading and get a good night's sleep. :-D

By the way, I'm reading "Coaching Fastpitch Softball Successfully" by Kathy Veroni and Roanna Brazier right now. I got some strange looks when I was reading it pool-side on the cruise ship, but I highly recommend it. And if any of you who read this blog have read that book, I'd love to hear your comments on it!

Over the river and through the woods...in an ambulance...on Mother's Day

When I was in high school, our tournament schedule started slightly sooner than the tournament schedule for my 16s today. And thank god. I'm really not sure how my parents did it...playing all the way through May (during high school ball), June and July. It's quite a strain on the mind, back, neck and back-pocket.

I gave my girls the weekend off so they could truly enjoy their mothers, hoping they'd realize that they won't see much of their moms for the rest of the summer. Oh sure, they'll spend countless hours with those fine women, who took (and take) the time to raise them, in the car on the way to practice and tournaments...only to pass them off to me, a sort of weekend babysitter, if you will. But those hours, I gaurantee you, will be spent with iPods on and eyes shut. They're 16, after all.

Or, if you're anything like me, those hours would be spent in the ER...on the way from the CAT scan to the X-Ray machine and back. I made quite a few of those trips in my day but one really stands out in my mind, even though the details are a bit fuzzy.

It was probably 2000, which means I was about 15, when our tournament in Catonsville, MD came to a very quick end for me on that Sunday, Mother's Day. A foul ball that the umpire didn't call loud enough, a hefty girl that hit the foul ball and barrelled down into me at first base, sirens, an oxygen mask, a body board and then a long ride to the hospital swept me away from the single-elimination game we were already losing. I don't remember all of it to this day, but I remember it was Mother's Day. I remember the look on my father's face and the phone call he made to my mother, as an Australian parimedic tried to keep me calm.

I'll never forget the way my mom rushed to the hospital, dropping whatever she was doing just to be with me. All my other coaches rushed over after the game, too, just as worried as my parents were.

So, it's times like those that make me remember how tournament teams really work: It's a big family. At the head of that family are the coaches (the surrogate mommies and daddies), then you've got all the daughters (the players). I'm not asking for a thank you or a happy mother's day card; don't think I've earned it yet :-D. But I'm just proud to be a part of all the girls' lives, helping them grow into mature women (and great softball players!). I've only been working with the 16s for 8 months now, but I'm getting a little teary just thinking about them going off to college and "leaving me behind." Haha, oh to be a woman.

I've got my mother to thank for everything from day one to day 8,778 (today). And I can't thank my co-head coach, the "bad cop," enough either for all her guidance over the last 8 months.

Happy Mother's Day to everyone who has children, especially daughters...regardless if their yours by birth, marriage, mentorship, team, etc., etc.

Just tell yourself everything is okay, and--VOILA!

See what happens when you just have some faith? I lost it for one night, but got it back today before a one-on-one with one of my catchers. And I'll be damned if she didn't blow my mind tonight.

I knew there'd be distractions--including my 12U team practicing on the next field--and she's one that I can lose to distractions fairly easily, so I made her promise to give me 100% tonight. She gave me 110% for nearly ALL of our 2-hour practice. Plus, her footwork was stellar (even though we just started talking about it tonight) and she was very open to constructive criticism (instead of shutting down from it).

I don't know what to else to say besides, "BOOYAH." I mean, we use a water jug as a target for throwdowns and she broke it. She f'ing shattered the plastic. Now I have to buy a new water jug. But a $5 water jug in comparison to some really, really great form and strength? ...I think I can afford it!

BOOM! BOOYAH! FANCY! YOU KNOW!

Well that was emo...

Apologies for the intense post last night. Just one of those nights, you know? Truth is, I have 100% faith in all of my girls on every team and every day I get to work with them is the happiest day of my life, even if it is a struggle. But like Jimmy Dugan (Tom Hanks) says in A League of Their Own, "There's no crying in baseball!"

Wait...that wasn't the quote I wanted. Here it is:
"It's supposed to be hard....The hard is what makes it great."

I'd remove that post from last night, but all of it was true. It was just poorly delivered. As coach I have to remember that I can't just let go like that; because people rely on me; because I'm supposed to be a good role model for my girls; because I have to be a brand ambassador for my teams at all times. Plus, I'm nearly 25...I should know better than to lose my head like that! :-D

A friend at work asked me today to name my "brand pillars" for a blog she is writing, and it got me thinking about all that I just mentioned above. I mean, what does it really mean to be a coach?

Since you're here, you might as well get my opinion on it:

• First and foremost, my job is to mentor the girls and help them become all that they can be on and off the field. And sometimes that means disciplining them, as I touched on last night.
• Second, I have to be a leader. I'm the one that knows best (hopefully, right?!), so I call the shots. I'm the "general" on the field, and I have to be able to effectively communicate with the "captains" and "soldiers" on the field so that the whole unit moves as one...in the direction of victory.
• Lastly, I've got to be a cheerleader. I've got to be the girls' number one fan and encourage them 100% along the way.

What do you think? Have I got my priorities straight or am I missing something here?

Long lapse in blogging, but not judgement...

It's been a good while since I blogged last. I wholeheartedly apologize for that. There's no excuse, really. And between practices for my 12s and 16s, games for my 12s, watching the high school games for my 16s and games for my adult league, I've had very little time to think about anything besides softball. I just haven't, oddly enough, had time to blog about softball.

To be honest, A LOT has happened. I've got problems and success stories on both teams that I would really love to blog about and, while I spend every other waking minute thinking about them, I'm still not ready to blog about it fully. Below, as you'll notice, I'll cover the major problems...because, at this point, it's all I can think about. Negativity has hit me like a water balloon to the face--no literal pun meant about anyone who may have thrown a water balloon straight at my face at a certain 16s practice recently...

On my 12U softball team, I've got a serious confidence problem. No one's swinging because they're scared. And no plays are being made becuase they're not sure what to do. We've got a lot to work on as far as giving softball 115% and knowing what to do. We're having an extra practice tomorrow to go over all these things. I'll be doing a one-on-one with one of my 16s for most of the time, but I'll at least be close to by to keep a close eye out.

On my 16U softball team, we've got a serious "tude" problem, which is the least of our problems, I think. Some of my girls feel "left out" -- because travel ball is more like a family than "just a team" -- and some of my girls feel like they're being bossed around by the others. We've also got one F in school (there is no sarcastic joke here because I'm so disappointed, and I won't even go into the punishments involved), a slew of Cs and Ds, two suspensions and more injuries than I care to admit (meaning nearly every girl).

In other words, I have a lot to think about and plan out. And between the one-one-one I have tomorrow with one of my 16s, plus the 12U practice, plus high school games on Wednesday and Thursday, then Mother's Day weekend, I'm really not sure when I'll get a chance to think about it all. I mean, I'll definitely think about it all every spare second I get from work and just before I fall asleep at night, but I'm not sure I'll get a productive minute to think about it.

To be honest, I feel so frustrated beyond belief right now that I shouldn't even be blogging. I've got so much to write in my diary, but now I'm way too tired to do that and it's nearly 2am so I should definitely go go bed. Who has the time to deal with this stuff? I have no idea how parents do it...

What a difference a day makes!

I'm not sure if it was the week off--that the girls spent lounging around and tanning, mostly--or the pep-talk from one of the other head coaches, but my 16s looked GREAT today. Mentally and physically they were just on. Sure they missed a few opportunities offensively, but their defense was Strong (with a capital S). It's amazing how their good play really makes my day.

That's all. I don't really have much more to say. I'm in too good of a mood to blog. :-D

A commissioned blog post...though I do this crap for free.

Apparently, I've got readers. I know there's about 5 or 6 of you out there, and that you spend about 5 minutes on my blog when you visit. I've got Google Analytics. :-D

One of my readers reached out to me recently, much to my excitement, and asked me to write something about the "rules" of softball. The reader explained that s/he didn't know much about the game, but enjoyed reading my blog (yes, my ego is inflating as I retell this story) and would like to know a little bit more about the game. When I suggested I pass him/her the 100+ page rule book, s/he suggested I just write about my favorite rules...or my least favorite rules...something, anything. Even though I don't get paid to write this blog (hell, I don't even get paid to coach!), I don't mind the comissioned work from my fans. So, here goes:

Softball 101
Softball is played on a "diamond" between two teams. Duh. It's a lot like baseball in that you have 9 defenders on the field and 9 batters in an offensive line-up. A 10th player--usually an "Extra Player" (or EP) or a "Designated Hitter" (or DH) is sometimes used to fill the 9th spot in the line-up to replace a defensive player, such as the pitcher, as a hitter.

Unlike baseball, however, the ball is larger--and not soft at all, for you true novices--and pitches are thrown underhand rather than overhand. Also, the basepaths in the diamond are shorter: 60ft between each base, rather than the 90ft in baseball. Consequently, the pitcher's mound is about 20ft closer to homeplate. The biggest difference between baseball and softball, however, is the length of the game: baseball has 9 innings with a 7th inning stretch so the fans don't get bored, while softball has 7 innings because we're better athletes that can do more exciting things in less time. Just kidding about the boring/exciting things...not about the length of the games, though.

There are two types of softball: slowpitch and fastpitch. Slowpitch is usually played by old men and little girls; while fastpitch is played by young, athletic women and some old men. There are two big differences between slowpitch and fastpitch. First, in slowpitch the pitch is delivered with an arc. (There's a lot more to be said on that topic, and I'll touch on it briefly a little bit later in this blog.) Second, in slowpitch there are often 10 defenders on the field (utilizing 4 outfielders instead of 3). Other differences include size of the ball (fastpitch balls are 11in, whereas most slowpitch balls are usally 12in, though get as large as 14-16in), leading and stealing (there is none in slowpitch), bunting and slapping (there is none in slowpitch), as well bat types (typicall slowpitch bats are much heavier and fastpitch bats are much lighter).

What makes fastpich softball actually different from baseball and slowpitch is a combination of those little things I just mentioned. Because the ball is larger (doesn't travel as far, see "physics" in your local library for more information), the diamond is smaller, and the ball is travelling upwards at the hitter (see more on the "arc" below), it allows for a faster, "shorter" game. By short, I don't mean 7 innings vs. 9; I refer to, instead, more bunting and "slapping" and less homeruns.

What's a bunt? Believe or not, there's bunting in baseball. You just don't see it much because the base paths are longer, thus it takes longer to travel from one base to the other. Anyway, back to the question. Bunting is a technique whereupon the batter hits the ball without swinging in order to place it about five feet in front of the catcher. See more on your friendly, neighborhood Wikipedia entry. In softball, bunting is used for a variety of purposes: to get on base, to advance runners (typically, a "sacrifice bunt") or, more specifically, to score a runner.

What's "slapping?" Slapping is something in between hitting and bunting. It's a half swing--much like you'll see a golfer do when he needs to place his ball on the green--used to hit the gaps in the field. Usually it's done in the "drag" style, when the girl is already moving through the batter's box, makes contact with the ball and continues running to first base. This is called a drag slap. (Note: most bunts for basehits are also done in the "drag" style, called--you guessed it!--"drag bunting.") This is something you definitely don't see in baseball, again because the base paths are longer. Because the infield is much smaller in softball, it's easier to place a hit between the infielders and outfielders, or in between the gaps; that's what makes slapping so appealing in softball.

Less homeruns? I bet you're thinking to yourself, "B-O-R-I-N-G!" Yeah, right! In college and professional softball (yes, there's professional softball), there is a decent amount of "homers" but in the younger leagues, it's a rare occurunce. This is where the "arc" comes into play, something that I do my damnest to teach all my hitters young and old:

In slowpitch, the ball is released from the hip arcs upwards (reaching a minimum league-defined height such as 9ft) and then come down throgh the hitter's strikezone; baseball pitching is not much different: it starts from the shoulder and comes straight down into the hitter's strikezone. In fastpitch, however, the pitch is released from the hip and comes straight UP into the hitter's strikezone. Again, I'll reference you to your intermediary "phsyics" textbooks for the whole scoop, but here's the gist of it: In order to successfully hit a slowpitch or baseball pitch you have have to swing UPWARDS at the ball, because the ball is coming DOWNWARDS to your strikezone. This is why baseball and slowpitch is all pop-flies and homeruns. In fastpitch, you have to swing DOWNWARDS at the ball because the ball is coming UPWARDS into your strikezone. This is why fastpitch is all groundballs and line-drives. This is why there are less homeruns in softball...fastpitch softball, at least.

I guess the only other BIG difference between fastpitch and slowpitch or fastpitch and baseball is that the pitching motion is much more intricate (and exhausting). It's done in the "windmill" fashion, allowing the pitcher to take 1.5 rotations in her motions, rather than just 0.5 rotations. I guess this is a little hard to write about and requires pitchers, but I'll do my best. In baseball, you have the ball in your glove, you reach back, come over your shoulder and release the ball; the rotation only completes 1/2 of a circle. Slowpitch is similar, except oposite: you have the ball in your glove, you reach back and swing your arm past your hip to release the ball (again, only 1/2 a circle). In fastpitch, you're allowed to take the ball from your glove, reach back, come forward and go all the way around your shoulder to your hip in order to release the ball; thus: 1-1/2 circle rotations. This is the thing that scares everybody about fastpitch, but it's really not that difficult...once you learn the fundmentals.

The last thing I'll note on is something I always hear funny remarks on from people who've never played (parents, friends, etc.) and it's the pitching speed. A lot of people who never played or watched before imagine softball as slowpitch...slow pitching. They don't realize that fastpitch is well...fast. So, they joke on the sport being "easy." The people who have at least seen, but not played, fastpitch are amazed at the speed that the girls can "hurl it in there," so the saying goes. When they stop to think about it, though, they realize it's only about 65-70mph. It's not like baseball, where the guys are throwing at speeds in the 90s, sometimes topping 100mph. So, now, let's go back to what we learned in the first paragraph of Softball 101:

• Baseball diamonds are larger
• basebaths are 90ft apart
• the pitching mound is 60ft from homeplate
• Softball diamonds are smaller
• basepaths are 60ft apart
• the pitching mound is (typically) 43ft from homeplate.
• Time is relevant.

I know it's not a formal philosophical argument, but it'll server to make my point. Now, imagine a ball travelling at 90mph from the pitcher's mound to homeplate in baseball (60ft). How long does it take to reach homeplate? 0.454 seconds. That's how long. Now, imagine a ball traveling at 65mph from the pitcher's mound to home plate in fastpitch softball (43ft). How long does it take? 0.452 seconds. That's how long. Check the math. It's all there.

So, there you have it. Softball 101 in exactly 1,300 words. I hope you enjoyed it...and learned a little something, too :-D

And--for the record--thanks for reading! Let me know if you have any blog topic requests. You can find me on Twitter (@ladyothediamond) and I do accept emails to ourladyofthediamond@gmail.com.