When Wants "Eclipse" Sanity

No one's sane. I know that. Does it mean we're all insane? I don't think so. I just know that no one is actually ever in their "right mind." We're all just a little crazy because there's always something we want to do and it never seems to be what's "right." Why? Who the heck knows... Anyway, "want" clouds your judgement; passion overrides reason. Therefore, if we want something, we cannot be sane.

Let's try it this way: "The law," as we learned from Aristotle, "is reason free from passion." (The real quote from Politics, of course, is more often translated as: "The law is reason unaffected by desire." But the common idiom works well enough.) So, now we start deducing:

1. We know that the law is reason, according to Aristotle.
2. Sanity is defined as "soundness of judgment."
3. "Soundess of judgement" can be otherwise called rationality or reason.
4. If sanity is reason, then the law is sanity free of passion.

Dang -- okay, so my philosophy classes didn't pay off so well. (Sorry, Mom and Dad!) The point I was trying to make is that sanity is free of passion, so now the English major in me is taking over: Find a law or lawmaker that you think is free of passion and prove me wrong...I dare you. (How's that for an argument? Haha!)

Really, we're all a little crazy. We all want things that we know aren't good, or aren't right, for us. Like tonight, we took 18 of the 14U and 16U girls out to see Twilight's Eclipse. Why? Well, me and my co-head coach wanted to see it, the girls wanted to see it...so, we figured, why not make it a fun girls' night?

Wrong! I spent half the movie sitting in the aisle to keep the 16s quiet. The 16s! The 14s behaved well enough -- at least, when they talked it was in hushed whispers -- and, really, they just couldn't stop texting long enough to sit through a 2-hour movie. But my 16s... Dear god, the mouths wouldn't stop. And those mouths are BIG. I don't know how many times I said to them, "Do I need to take you out for a minute?" I've never given so many hateful looks in my life! And, honestly, who has to threaten a 16-year-old with time-out -- in a public setting?!

It even got to a point where, (**SPOILER ALERT!**) after Bella finally kissed Jacob, one of my 16s turned to me and said, "Okay, that's all I wanted to see, you can take me out now." What nerve, right?!

Now, putting all my angst aside, I'm just disappointed that my girls couldn't behave better in a movie theatre full of people who paid a whole lot of money to see a movie on opening night. (I mean, I don't know about you, but $10 is a lot of money to me!) Honestly, though, I should've known better. I know my girls. I know that this is how they act. Why did I think that they could behave for 2 hours in a dark room when I can't get them shut up and focus for an hour and 15 minutes on the softball field? ...I think the answer is: because I wanted them to. And I wanted to believe they could.

In the end, it's not about the movie. I want a lot from those girls. And I want to believe that they can do so much. But these wants keep getting in the way of my (better) reason. Is it so bad for me to want that they give 100% at practices and during games? Is that so wrong? (I don't think so.) Maybe it is because they can't. Is it wrong for me to want the girls to do something they can't? I don't know. I'd like to see them at least try; to, at least, care enough and give 99.99% when that last 0.01% just isn't attainable. Is that crazy-talk? Sure it is. I know that! But is it the sort of crazy-talk that makes me a good coach? Or a bad one?

I don't know. I just don't anymore. I've still got that big decision to make this week. And tonight's showing at the movie theatre didn't help at all. In fact, it added on more things to consider and more decisions to make. Last night's practice went alright, though. The big rule of the night was "no speaking unless spoken to by a coach, or unless you're communicating a play on the field." They did pretty well with that, oddly enough. But all the girls know what's up; they know the decision I have to make. They know that their performance and attitude right now is on the line...for things much bigger than winning and losing a game.

I'll be honest, though, they know about the decision I have to make this week. What they don't know is that there's an even bigger decision I've been prompted to consider between now and August; and they shouldn't know because it would hurt them so much to even think that I have to think about these sort of things, but sometimes I wish they did know. I wonder if they'd try harder or just give up. I wonder if they'd push to find that 99.99% even when they knew that they just can't get that last 0.01%. Like I said in my last post: I wish I could say more, but I just can't.

I know I'm crazy. I know it's 10 til midnight and I'm writing this stupid blog that only 9 people read...well, more like 7 or 8, discounting the hits I get from myself. Crazy. Crazy, crazy, crazy. So it goes.

Time flies when you're...???

I know I haven't posted in 11 days. I apologize for that. I'm just not sure where the time has gone. Needless to say, it's time for a serious recap.

We played in Williamsburg last weekend for the NSA States. Went 0-3 on Saturday. I wish I could say what happened, but I can't. We blew major leads in every game, too; I just have no idea why. On Sunday we got a very lucky break (the fact that we played, to be honest, was lucky) and went 2-3. It was the best I've seen the girls play all season. They played consistently, to win, every inning of every game. In the end, we tied for 5th place and it was not only a major achievement for us, but a MAJOR pick-me-up for us all. Plus, compared to our past records, 2-4 is not bad for us in a tournament. But don't get me wrong, we should've won every single game.

This weekend, it was the same old stuff...but different, somehow. We went 1-2 on Saturday; won the first game and lost the other two. And we lost the last game BIG TIME. Today, we came out to win and did...during the first game. We did win that first game. Then we had a game break and lost the second game BIG TIME. Like MAJOR TIME. (Notice "major" is in all caps, bolded and underlined.) So, in the end we went 2-3. And, honestly, we should've won all five games.

I think of it as progress, though--when you compare it to Petersburg, when we went 0-5. It's hard to believe that was almost a month ago. Where does the time go?? I wish I could tell you, but I just can't. I can say, however, that I've learned more about 16-year-old girls in this past month than I did my whole year being a 16-year-old girl. :)  And maybe it wasn't easy, but it was good.

To be honest, I've come such a long way since we played that first tournament in Charlottesville in May. I think about it now and am like, "Well, that wasn't so long ago." But the progress I've made as a coach and my team's coach has been incredible. I'm proud of myself. From the way I approach the game, create line-ups and field positions to the way I approach the umpires and hold my own. I've had two saving graces this summer (my co-head coach and the 14s coach), and I know I only need a little more time until I can do it all on my own. Knowing that--versus just thinking it and hoping it--is a major achievement for me. I know I couldn't have done it without their support, though, and I'm forever grateful. I know I'm still young, though...

I turned 25 this past week. In this past week alone, I've dealt with way more things than any 25-year-old should deal with. Or, at least, that's what everyone keeps telling me. But I think of it this way: I made a commitment to this team and that means I deal with the good, bad and ugly. And, let me tell you, I've seen it all at this point. I've seen the good go to bad, and vice versa; I've seen the good go to ugly, and vice versa; I've seen the bad go to ugly, and vice versa; hell, I've seen the good go to "WTF," and vice versa. I've even seen the good stay good, the bad stay bad and the ugly stay real ugly. I wish I was only talking about what happens on the field, too; I'm not.

Anyway, we have two tournaments left in the season plus World Series. I have to start thinking about next year, which sounds stupid but is true. I've got a whole lot more to think about--even beyond my farmer's tan--but that's part of the game. Looking back and learning: The one thing I never realized coaching would be is so much THINKING. I mean, I always thought a lot and I always will. Even as a player, I was always thinking. This time around, as a coach, I have to think beyond the next game and even the next tournament. I wish I could say more here but until I make my mind up, I know I have to keep it with me.

So here's to hoping that the next two weeks race by and that the next two tournaments creep so that we can live it up.

Freud would have a field day with my dreams

I'll be the first to admit that this week is not my week. So it goes... But I did wake up this morning to a string of strangely peaceful dreams. The first was of my girls huddled around first base about to do their pre-game cheer as I walked up to the plate to meet the umpires and the opposing team's coaches. Then my alarm went off. Then I was walking up to my girls to do a little pre-game prayer. Then my alarm went off and I realized I was running late for work.

I'm not sure what it all means. I mean, it wasn't necessarily happy. And it's not like the dreams are foreshadowing anything I didn't already foresee. We've landed an 8am game on Saturday morning in Williamsburg (for NSA States) so, yes, we'll do a little pre-game cheer and, yes, we'll do a little pre-game prayer. (By the by, my views on team prayers and sanctioned religious acts are completely separate from the fact that the girls seem to appreciate that we do team prayers. It's all about the girls, anyway.)

So, what does it really mean? Hell if I know...

Anyway, we had a pretty productive practice last night at the batting cages. My other co-head coach pulled girls aside one-by-one to discuss some of the more personal issues we've got going on with the team while I helped girls hit in the cages. It was no major victory for any of the girls, the coaches or the team as a whole, but it was a slew of small victories. And the small victories add up to big ones in the end.

We've got one more practice before our big return to the tournament cycle this weekend. We'll only have 9 girls on Saturday and I'm crossing my fingers for the 10th girl on Sunday; but I'm not holding my breath. What stinks is that we're gauranteed at least 3, if not 4, games on Saturday. The funniest part about it is: if we win, win and win, then we play a 4th game but if we lose one of the games we only play 3...and, god forbid, if we lose two of the games, we go home. Seems a little odd, doesn it? Oh well, I'm hoping for 4 solid games anyway. :-D

So, when we win all 4 games on Saturday... Let's just leave it at that.

Tomorrow's going to be a good day, no matter what. I've already decided that. I'm not going to let this crappy week or anything else get in the way of a really great practice. It's what the girls need before they take the field again for a game. But...when I think about all the crappy practices we've been having lately, I'm starting to wonder: Should I hope for a bad practice? They always say a bad dress rehearsal means a great opening night. But who am I kidding? This is softball, not theatre. And we've got enough drama already...we don't need any more.

Cheers to a really great day tomorrow. And here's to hoping I have a few more peaceful dreams tonight.

13 More Minutes

Well, it seems as if it's been a while since my last post! Apologies for that. Between practices, tournaments, the Women's College World Series and...oh yeah, that thing they call work...I just haven't had time to breathe, let alone blog. Trust me, my referigerator is empty, I have no toilet paper at the house, and the dirty laundry stacks higher than I am tall.

Whereas I kept telling myself that this weekend would be different, that I'd get my life in order, it seems I underestimated my obsession with softball. My 16s have the weekend off, but our 14s played in Sterling. So, what did I do? I packed up my bags, stayed with a friend in Baltimore on Friday night and spent all Saturday on the ballfield with the 14s. And it was wonderful.

I've been working with the 14s longer than I have the 16s--since I started with them in the Fall last year--but yesterday was really good for me to bond with them. At practices, I'm the coach that makes the girls run and catches them when they start talking about anything other than softball; I'm the hard-ass, for lack of a better word. Needless to say, I didn't make many friends over the winter. But yesterday, there was no pressure for me...I was just there to "help out." I tracked pitches and carried equipment and just hung out. The girls got to see another side of me, and I think they liked it. Sure they had their fun with me, poking jokes and asking me ridiculous questions about my personal life, but they're 14 years old. What did I expect? And, of course, now they're all on a mission to find me a husband. Yaaaaaaaay. (Sarcasm.)

Seriously, though, it was good. A great day, in fact. They went 3-1 and are playing in their 3rd elimination game as I write this...Here's to hoping they're out there playing their A game!

Anyway. The 16s seem to be struggling lately. I thought the week break between our first and second tournament would be good for the girls to get their heads right and come out to the field fresh. I was wrong. Personal lives, on-field tiffs, and general "tude-iness" crushed us. We lost every game on our own. And, yes, I mean to say we lost every game. We went 0-3 in pool play, lost our elimination game on Sunday morning and then lost the consolation game on Sunday afternoon. 0-5. 0-5!!! That makes us 1-8 for the season so far. And, really -- REALLY -- I could be okay with it if the losses were good games. One of them was a great game, but a loss. I'll take that one...plus it was my fault we lost; and I've learned my lesson so no need to dwell on it (again). But the other 7 losses? We beat ourselves. In the first tournament we had 21 errors in 4 games. In the second tournament we had 26 errors in 5 games. That means we're averaging 5.2 errors per game. I'm not happy about that at all. Neither are the girls.

So, I gave the girls an option at our mandatory practice on Thursday night: they could do 26 "tasks" of my choice or they would be mine for 26 minutes (to do whatever I say). They chose 26 minutes and I think they chose correctly. We did 13 minutes of sprints and push-ups and crunches and more sprints on that Thursday night. We'll do the other 13 minutes today and I still need to figure out what we'll do.

I really don't like punishing errors like this, but I'm hoping this will help them hate it. My only fear is that, with all the tudes, it will just drag them down. You see, our real problem is that when an error is committed, the negativity skyrockets...so another error follows...then another...then they can't hit because they're so mad...then another tude comes around with the "I'm sick of her tude" attitude. Ack! It's really such a viscious cycle. So, my fear is that...if they know they'll run for errors, they'll be afraid to make plays...and, thus, make errors. But this is the chance I'll take. We've got to find a way through the error/tude fog; it's really the only thing that's holding us back from being an AMAZING TEAM. And when I say AMAZING, I mean AMAZING.

I think the other half of our troubles last weekend was the fact that we picked up 2 new girls. And we never even got to practice as a whole team with them...so, of course, there was bound to be an adjustment period. But we had 1 mandatory (and 1 voluntary) practice last week; we've got another mandatory today, plus a voluntary on Tuesday and one last mandatory on Thursday. So we've got good time to get settled and comfy with ourselves and our team (again). Let me say, though, that the 2 new girls have great potential and will really add to the team...when we all get comfy-cozy, that is. :-D

Anyway, 13 more minutes today and then we let it go and move forward fresh. We go to NSA States in Williamsburg next weekend and, as much as I don't like going to bed mad/disappointed, I really hate going to bed in a hotel room mad/disappointed. Haha.

I'll try to update again this week and I'll definitely take my computer with me to Williamsburg next weekend. Until then...have a great one! And please...if you've got any coaching suggestions, comment here on the blog or drop me a line at ourladyofthediamond@gmail.com ... and remember, you can always tweet me (@ladyothediamond).