I am a Moose. Or, at least, I'd like to be.

According to many different spiritual groups, like Pagans and polytheistic religions, humans have a very strong connection to animals on an individual basis. It's often said that persons of these faiths have spiritual animals that guide them through life, by teaching them lessons and helping them find their way. And, according to WikiHow (the incredibly credible source for all how-to knowledge, of course...*sarcasm*), the many theories on spiritual animals are varied, most specifically as to how long the animal stays with a person. Some say they stay with the person for life; others say they come and go in the person's life, passing on their knowledge, strength and power until the person is ready to live without them. I'd like to believe the second theory; the point of life is to grow, after all, so it only makes sense that you will need different spiritual animals as you continue to progress mentally, physically and emotionally through your life.

Every animal has it special "power." Ants, for example, are very accepting of their place. They work seemlessly in large groups (or "teams") and do their job without questioning or defying authority. Most importantly, they work for a greater cause, rather than themselves; they work for the good of the team. I like ants for this reason. Whether or not they consciously recognize their place and position in their society, they continue forward as productive members of the team. Plus...we all know ants can lift like 150x their body weight! (Syke, I think it's just 20x or something, which is still astounding!)

I also like the Moose. Of all the spiritual animals, I think I need the Moose to guide me right now. According to the Manataka American Indian Council, the Moose "is a symbol of courage and determination. Those who know the moose spirit proudly walk with grace and have universal knowledge. The power of their presence is awesome and inspiring." As a coach (go figure I'd talk about coaching on my blog...), I really like this idea. I'd like to think that I held universal knowledge and was both awesome and inspiring.

I think I've found it off the field. Well, okay...maybe not the "universal knowledge" part. I'm still absolutely confounded with some of the problems the girls ask me for advice on. Thankfully, they usually text me about these problems, so they can't see me sitting there with my mouth agape thinking, "Holy [censored], what the [censored] am I supposed to say to that?!" But, over the 9 or so months that I've actually spent with them -- taking the time to listen to them and learn them -- I think I've got that "awesome" and "inspiring" thing down pat. (By the way, can we take a minute to talk about how modest I am?) Anyway...I know I'm still searching for that on the field...that "moose" thing. I know it takes time; I certainly don't expect miracles in a day (or a year for that matter). I'm just ready for the day that I can really lead on the field and get results.

Now, don't get me wrong! My girls have made INCREDIBLE progress over the last year. (I'll say that over and over again until you believe it, because it's sooooooo true.) It's amazing to think of what we started with last January and what we have now in September. It's exciting. I'm just lost, sometimes, as to how to really inspire the girls.

A couple weeks ago (when I started this blog, LOL), we played a little "mental" game before we scrimmaged the other team in our organization: I brought those "pills" that you drop in water and they transform into sponge animals. As the pills transformed into their respective animals, we talked about finding our own spiritual animals...the things/advice/knowledge/skills that we need to find deep within ourselves to succeed. Our biggest problem, still, is digging down deep to find the "strength" we need to win (...and I don't mean just pulling out a W in the game). We went on to lose that scrimmage pretty bad. We made silly errors and couldn't hit; the girls hung their heads afterwards. I explained to them again why we did the exercise with the animals again in our post-scrimmage talk, but I have a feeling it's still not settling in.

One time, I took the time to write everyone on the team a card before a big tournament. I pulled out inspirational quotes that fit each girl and encouraged them to play their best, then gave everyone their cards before we warmed up for our first game on Saturday. It didn't work. We lost three games that day. We went on to win one and lose one really close game on Sunday...because Sunday is different. I just wish they could play like it was Sunday everyday. Anyway, I digress: we were at practice a few weeks ago and one of the girls was like "Hey, look what I found in my bag, Coach!" and showed me the card. I went home that night feeling proud that she kept it, then thought back to all the random crap I found in my bat bag after every season. Socks, hair ties, old gum, bandannas...I even once found a book that belonged to my school!

So, needless to say, sometimes I wonder if all I'm doing is giving my girls "useless crap" that they'll just clean out of their "bag" one day. (Yes, "bag" is a metaphor for life.) I wonder if anything I say or do or give them is settling in. This is when I need the moose most of all: because I know I have to keep trying; because I want to keep trying; because the girls need me to keep trying. I just need someone/thing to help me find the courage and determination to do so...to really believe that one of these little games we play, one little things I say, or one of the little things I do will really make a difference.

My other coaches, and many of my parents, are very supportive and I don't know what I'd do without their support and encouragement. But this is something I've got to find within myself, so that I can win. Because when I win, the girls win.