This is commitment, as explained by Kit-the-Kat and other Kittehs

Let me first warn you that this post contains an inappropriate amount of cat pictures that have very little to do with softball, but may or may not bring a smile (even an LOL) to your face. Some were taken from the interwebs via Google Image...others are actual snapshots I've taken. You can decide which are which.

Kitteh sez, "fwendz dont wet fwendz pway bessball."

Moving on..
At some point in all of our lives, we've agreed to a commitment. Whether it's to a partner, a job, our education, a team or anything else, commitment always works the same. Commitment, by definition, is "a pledge or promise" or an "obligation." And it's nice when that thing to which we're committed (hopefully not a psychiatric hospital...haha...see the pun?) stays fresh by offering variety; but there's also a settling comfort in knowing that thing to which we're committed is reliable and unchanging. But what happens when things stay unchanging? What happens when you loose that freshness? What happens when that "pledge or promise" becomes more of an "obligation?"

Kit in bath tub says, "Where's my water?!"

Let's take, for example, my cat. Her name is Kit (AKA Kit-the-Kat, Muffintop, Fatty McScreamsalot, Snuggle-Wuggle-Was-A-Cat and HOLY[EXPLETIVE]DONTEATMYSWEATER); and, believe it or not, all of my cats have been named after characters in books/movies I was reading/watching at the time...so, no, Kit is not an unoriginal name for a cat, thank you very much! ANYWAY. I am committed to Kit. I may not always come home straight from work to her, and softball (among other things like friends who live out of town, college football and well deserved vacations) pull me away from her for weekends or sometimes weeks at a time. But when I get home -- no matter how long I've been away -- I know that Kit will be waiting by the door for me...or, at least, near enough to ambush me as soon as I get in the door. Most nights, she'll scream at me for a good half-hour until I give her wet food (spoiled fatty brat!) and then she'll lay down on the floor as I work on my computer, read or watch TV; and when I'm ready to go to wash up for bed, she'll sit in my bath tub and wait for water (spoiled thirsty brat!); and when I'm ready to go to bed, she'll come lay with me for ten minutes or so before she assumes her position on the "passenger side" of the bed. I love Kit for this. She's so reliable! I always know what she needs and what she will do. It makes my commitment to her (i.e., to provide her with food and water and affection) so easy.

Kit assumes that all birthday presents are for her.

But, then, the other night, I woke up around 4am. When I had finally tossed and turned into a somewhat comfortable position in which I could fall back asleep, Kit came crawling over me and snuggled up beside me. What a pleasant surprise from my little spoon! Or, as I type this, she is investigating something she deems as strange in my purse...it may be the money I actually have in my wallet right now. Anyway, the point is that this variety and deviation from the norm keeps things bearable for me. Otherwise, I fall into a shadow-like state of being, always doing things because that's just "how it goes." That's when, I think -- when we lose touch with our real selves -- we start to forget why we were even committed in the first place.

Sometimes, I admit, I forget why I have a commitment to Kit...other than the reasons like "she would probably drown to death, trying to drink the water from the toilet bowl" and "she would probably wander around hopelessly and end up sticking her tongue in an outlet just to garner some sort of attention." Every day, I always do the same things for her and almost every day she responds in the same manner. It's easy to lose sight of the wonderful reasons why I have Kit...reasons like "companionship," "someone to talk to besides the frozen chicken that's been in my freezer since early 2009" and "the cutest, fattest and fluffiest damn paperweight ever known to man." So, when I start to fall in my shadow-like state of being, I'm putting out food and water because it's an obligation I have to her rather than a contribution I make because I want Kit to be happy and healthy. Poor cat...

Now, back to softball: Committing to a team, through its ups and its downs, can be difficult. And, when the downs become the norm, it can be very easy to start doubting, and even regretting, the commitment you made. I've been there before in my softball career; I know what it feels like to just show up because it's an obligation you made to the however-many girls and coaches on the team.  But softball -- the kind of softball we play -- is more than just the however-many girls and coaches on the team or the however-many tournaments and games we play. What I think we all need to remember is that ups and downs are NOT calculated by simply looking at the win-loss column. The ups are the weekends and week nights we spend together, the down-time in between games when we just hang out and laugh, the emotional and physical growth we're all experiencing by working as a team, learning to live with others and giving this everything we've got.

So, I've got to hand it to my girls. They've done a great job holding up their end of the bargain in our commitment. I know it's tough and we've all had our fleeting moments of doubt and regret, but I'm thankful that I've got a committed group of girls. Girls who stand beside me and one another. Girls who continue to give it their all even when the cards are stacked against them. Girls who are working towards improving their communication and general inter-personal skills. What more could I ask for? Their commitment and determination is what keeps me committed and determined. And that commitment and determination could bring a smile to my face even if I was halfway sunk in quicksand...because as my lower half descended into the quicksand's tight grip, I know they would all point and laugh at how silly Coach Steph is...and then someone would be like "Oh, [expletive]! We should probably help her." And let me tell you how much commitment and determination you need to pull someone out of quicksand after they're already halfway under.

I hope that we can keep up our commitment and determination. Well, I know that we can, but it's up the girls to really do so.

Oh gnomes, kitteh!

Halp Wanted: Dogs need not apply.

*Special thanks for this post go to the ICanHasCheezburger movement of grossly misspelled words and funny, sometimes photoshopped, pictures of cats.

*P.S. You're welcome and now I'm going to bed because it's way past my bedtime (again).

Is that wood? Knock on it.

I hate this feeling. This feeling that I know we're going to play well, but I'm still scared "you-know-what"less. We had two great practices this week, on Sunday and Wednesday, so I'm definitely riding the high from that. But I'm not stupid, either. I've been knocking on anything I've encountered that even looks like wood all week long.

I'm really so afraid to jinx us, that I'm afraid to press PUBLISH on this post.
...Should I? I want everyone to know that we're playing well and feeling great!
...Should I not? I DON'T WANT TO JINX US! (Sorry for the all-caps.)

I will. We're playing great, feeling great and pumped for our first fall tournament this weekend. Knock on some wood for us. I'm not asking for a trophy, just a solid performance from the girls...just like the ones they've been giving all week. :-D

I am a Moose. Or, at least, I'd like to be.

According to many different spiritual groups, like Pagans and polytheistic religions, humans have a very strong connection to animals on an individual basis. It's often said that persons of these faiths have spiritual animals that guide them through life, by teaching them lessons and helping them find their way. And, according to WikiHow (the incredibly credible source for all how-to knowledge, of course...*sarcasm*), the many theories on spiritual animals are varied, most specifically as to how long the animal stays with a person. Some say they stay with the person for life; others say they come and go in the person's life, passing on their knowledge, strength and power until the person is ready to live without them. I'd like to believe the second theory; the point of life is to grow, after all, so it only makes sense that you will need different spiritual animals as you continue to progress mentally, physically and emotionally through your life.

Every animal has it special "power." Ants, for example, are very accepting of their place. They work seemlessly in large groups (or "teams") and do their job without questioning or defying authority. Most importantly, they work for a greater cause, rather than themselves; they work for the good of the team. I like ants for this reason. Whether or not they consciously recognize their place and position in their society, they continue forward as productive members of the team. Plus...we all know ants can lift like 150x their body weight! (Syke, I think it's just 20x or something, which is still astounding!)

I also like the Moose. Of all the spiritual animals, I think I need the Moose to guide me right now. According to the Manataka American Indian Council, the Moose "is a symbol of courage and determination. Those who know the moose spirit proudly walk with grace and have universal knowledge. The power of their presence is awesome and inspiring." As a coach (go figure I'd talk about coaching on my blog...), I really like this idea. I'd like to think that I held universal knowledge and was both awesome and inspiring.

I think I've found it off the field. Well, okay...maybe not the "universal knowledge" part. I'm still absolutely confounded with some of the problems the girls ask me for advice on. Thankfully, they usually text me about these problems, so they can't see me sitting there with my mouth agape thinking, "Holy [censored], what the [censored] am I supposed to say to that?!" But, over the 9 or so months that I've actually spent with them -- taking the time to listen to them and learn them -- I think I've got that "awesome" and "inspiring" thing down pat. (By the way, can we take a minute to talk about how modest I am?) Anyway...I know I'm still searching for that on the field...that "moose" thing. I know it takes time; I certainly don't expect miracles in a day (or a year for that matter). I'm just ready for the day that I can really lead on the field and get results.

Now, don't get me wrong! My girls have made INCREDIBLE progress over the last year. (I'll say that over and over again until you believe it, because it's sooooooo true.) It's amazing to think of what we started with last January and what we have now in September. It's exciting. I'm just lost, sometimes, as to how to really inspire the girls.

A couple weeks ago (when I started this blog, LOL), we played a little "mental" game before we scrimmaged the other team in our organization: I brought those "pills" that you drop in water and they transform into sponge animals. As the pills transformed into their respective animals, we talked about finding our own spiritual animals...the things/advice/knowledge/skills that we need to find deep within ourselves to succeed. Our biggest problem, still, is digging down deep to find the "strength" we need to win (...and I don't mean just pulling out a W in the game). We went on to lose that scrimmage pretty bad. We made silly errors and couldn't hit; the girls hung their heads afterwards. I explained to them again why we did the exercise with the animals again in our post-scrimmage talk, but I have a feeling it's still not settling in.

One time, I took the time to write everyone on the team a card before a big tournament. I pulled out inspirational quotes that fit each girl and encouraged them to play their best, then gave everyone their cards before we warmed up for our first game on Saturday. It didn't work. We lost three games that day. We went on to win one and lose one really close game on Sunday...because Sunday is different. I just wish they could play like it was Sunday everyday. Anyway, I digress: we were at practice a few weeks ago and one of the girls was like "Hey, look what I found in my bag, Coach!" and showed me the card. I went home that night feeling proud that she kept it, then thought back to all the random crap I found in my bat bag after every season. Socks, hair ties, old gum, bandannas...I even once found a book that belonged to my school!

So, needless to say, sometimes I wonder if all I'm doing is giving my girls "useless crap" that they'll just clean out of their "bag" one day. (Yes, "bag" is a metaphor for life.) I wonder if anything I say or do or give them is settling in. This is when I need the moose most of all: because I know I have to keep trying; because I want to keep trying; because the girls need me to keep trying. I just need someone/thing to help me find the courage and determination to do so...to really believe that one of these little games we play, one little things I say, or one of the little things I do will really make a difference.

My other coaches, and many of my parents, are very supportive and I don't know what I'd do without their support and encouragement. But this is something I've got to find within myself, so that I can win. Because when I win, the girls win.